Cotillion Lessons

Cotillions are where Southern girls learn the most important lesson of all: smile, even when your shoes are killing you. (Florence King, Southern Ladies and Gentlemen,1975)

When I was pitching my book to agents and publishers, one question that was asked again and again was, “Who do you see as the audience for your book?” Or in other words, who is going to plunk down cold hard cash to read a cozy mystery about an etiquette teacher who solves crimes?

My first response was to list readers who love cozies and older women, since my sleuth is in her seventies and senior women tend to buy more cozy mysteries than other age groups. In fact, “It’s widely known that—traditionally—the demographic of cozy mystery readers skews older” (Leah Dobrinska, Millennial Cozies: A Gateway to the Genre for a New Generation of Readers, 2021).

However, I wanted to add something else to my answer that would make my book stand out, and one day—in a fit of either inspiration or desperation—I added, “and anyone who has ever sweated through eighth-grade cotillion practice in a humid middle school gymnasium.”

Of course, I was just trying to indicate that anyone who had experienced any type of formal etiquette training might find my book entertaining. But that suggestion apparently struck a nerve, since I began to get questions about my experience with cotillion lessons.

First, let me say that I have never been a debutante or attended a debutante ball in any fashion—and in fact, only a tiny percentage of the US population has ever done so. But when I was in junior high, every public-school student had to participate in classes that covered dance and deportment, in order to learn the social skills necessary to participate in a cotillion. And I can still remember the tension and anticipation as the girls lined up on one side of the gym and the boys on the other, wondering whether we would be asked to dance or would have to be paired up with a partner by the teacher. Talk about clammy palms!

So, why did we have to go through training that might be considered useless to the majority of us? The theory was that cotillion education in schools would prepare students for community dances, church socials, and even their future adult life.

In fact, the National League of Junior Cotillions claims that cotillion education “equips students with life skills that support healthy friendships now and strong relationships in the future. Students learn to communicate with confidence, show respect in group settings, and carry themselves with self-control and consideration, qualities that serve them at school, in social situations, and later in professional environments” (Junior Cotillions JC®).

The Cotillion Club of Sarasota also claims that instruction in the “principles of cotillion” instills a set of core values in their students which include: Courtesy, Integrity, Respect, Kindness, Accountability, and Gratitude (Cotillion Club of Sarasota - Cotillion Member Rules).

Now, I wasn’t sure how a little instruction on how to waltz and dance the foxtrot could accomplish such grandiose goals, so I did some research and ran across an anonymous lesson plan for cotillion teachers which suggested objectives for their first class. It stated that by the end of the session, students should be able to:

• Stand straight

• Make eye contact

• Smile

• Speak clearly

• Demonstrate the basic box step of the waltz

• Perform a simple social introduction

• Ask and accept a dance invitation politely

• Maintain appropriate posture and spacing while dancing

• Participate respectfully in a mixed‑group social activity

Those are certainly skills that could apply today and later in life. (And yes, even the box step lessons can be useful, since I actually chose a waltz with my new husband as the first dance at our wedding.)

Today, of course, cotillion education has fallen out of favor in public schools, driven by the fact that debutante cotillions are no longer as prevalent as they used to be and that academic standards and testing leave little room for social‑etiquette programs. (However, eighth-grade cotillion preparation still exists, even though it is now usually offered by private etiquette organizations and not public schools.)

And although I’m certainly not sure that everyone needs to learn to foxtrot anymore, it is a shame that public schools are not passing along the other skills developed by cotillion practice. In fact, if you’ve ever been the recipient of the famed Gen Z stare when you were expecting an answer instead, you might think that social skills are needed now more than ever.

This month’s quiz question was inspired by a game of etiquette trivia called Mind Your Manners, which was produced by the Emily Post Institute. The answer appears below.

QUESTION:

Before telephones were invented, why did people say “Hello”?

A. To hail a ship

B. To indicate surprise

C. To greet other people, just as they do nowadays

D. Both B and C

ANSWER:

B – “Hello” was not used as a greeting until the late 19^th century.

For my latest news update, I’m pleased to say that I have completed the publisher-suggested edits on my debut novel, Manners or Mayhem, and the book is off to the proofreader for a final check before it goes to the formatter.

The book is due to be available late this year, and I’m beginning to think seriously about how to market it, since that is primarily an author’s responsibility these days. One thing I’m wondering about is whether to have a launch party, and if so, where to have it and what the theme should be. The book features etiquette teacher Dorietta Mosely, who is forced to break all the rules of propriety in order to solve a murder associated with her village’s first-ever bachelor auction, and I’d love to know if you have any suggestions.

Also, I’m back to working on book three in the series. The new book has Dorietta focused on criminal events arising from a traveling dollhouse exhibition, and I’m currently in search of a title. If you have any ideas, please share them with me.

You can drop me a note with your thoughts anytime on my contact page at Contact - Lucinda Gerlitz.

On the personal front, our landscaping project has been completed, and now we are just waiting for a heavy rain to see whether the water mitigation efforts will save us from developing any more sinkholes around our house’s foundation.

I’m also still trying to decide whether to attend the Killer Nashville writer’s conference this year, and I’ve signed up for a class on the psychology of serial, mass and spree killers with Katherine Ramsland. I’m hoping it will help me develop more realistic villains.

If you have etiquette dilemmas, I am no expert—I leave that to Dorietta Mosely, the etiquette teacher who solves mysteries in my books—but I’d be happy to consult my collection of manuals and take a stab at answering your questions. You can send them to me at: Contact – Lucinda Gerlitz.

For my monthly picture, here is a shot of my azaleas in bloom. Azalea season is my favorite time of the year!

Hope you’re all having a beautiful spring!