Lies, damned lies

The ridiculous Cambridge (UK) fantasist who got his comeuppance earlier this week reminded me that, while I was at MIT some time back, I was asked to opine on the CVs of two possible hires. The reason was that the two had spent some time in France, and that made me the expert. One claimed to have a doctorate from the Sorbonne and one from Oxford. None of the French databases confirmed this, and the Bodleian had no record of his D.Phil. I reported back, and the dude landed a very prestigious job at the Media Lab. I remonstrated, and it was explained to me he was a good fundraiser. The second was applying to be lab manager and claimed to have worked at the “Ecole Polytechnique (Collège de France),” which did not make sense to me, like saying '“I played soccer for Inter Milan (Juventus).” He also claimed a Masters in Fluid Mechanics from Paris 7 Uni. I picked up the phone and asked. They’d never heard of him. He did not get the job.

The French angle got me thinking: suppose you are in Boston, MA and are faking your CV. If you claim to have a valuable degree from Boston (distance zero) you’ll be found out in minutes. If you claim to have a degree from an Agricultural Institute in Azerbaijan (distance infinity) you’ll never be found out but the qualification will have less worth. Picture this as a curve with distance on the x-axis and fake degree value on the ordinate. The curve is zero at the origin and zero far away. It must have a maximum somewhere. My contention is that the maximum must be France. Try it with Denmark or even Germany, and you’ll find those coves have well-organised databases and speak English, which will blow your cover. Italy and Spain are better, but less prestigious. No, peak BS is firmly in France: classy institutions, low English competence, and an abundant supply of people who pick up the phone with an angry “Allo oui!” followed by an indignant “Non Monsieur!” if you ask whether English is allowed. Also the websites are often written in Sapeur Camember Second-Empire administrative French, so not much good.

This led to the graphic above, which I claim as Turin’s Law of fake CVs. I gave a talk on this once and the lone French member of the audience took umbrage, believing I was accusing the French of fraud (again, English comprehension). Beware, though, the French are rapidly getting better at English and the window of opportunity is closing.