Shawn Brought Kink into the Bedroom. Here’s What Went Wrong

Please note: This post will include spoilers from episode 10 of the current season of Married at First Sight.

Like many people, I’ve been watching the current season of Married at First Sight. There’s a lot to be said about Nikki and Shawn, who are one of the two Black couples on the show. So far, they look great on paper, but getting to mutual romantic or sexual attraction has been an uphill battle, to say the least.

Shawn has made several attempts to convince Nikki to engage with him sexually, and she ain’t with it. So on episode 10, he decides to make another effort by trying out some kinky shit to get her in the mood.

Here’s the thing: If she isn’t sexually attracted to him–and she ain’t, at least not right now–there isn’t much he can do to change her mind or speed up that process.

And adding some kink elements to the mix is the last thing he needed to do…and as with many TV portrayals of kink, there were a few things that Shawn got very wrong.

1. Using kinky play as an almost guaranteed gateway to sex.

A few scenes earlier, Shawn directly stated that sex was Nikki’s wifely duty, and has actively been trying to convince this woman to sleep with him since the wedding night. Then in this scene, he decides to pull out his Kink starter kit and suggests what looks like bedroom bondage, including Nikki being blindfolded, and some sensation play with a cheap ass flogger. He did all of this likely hoping (and even expecting) that sex is surely to follow.

You may be thinking I’m jumping to conclusions–but not at all. This is the same man who cornered Nikki in the living room wearing nothing but a towel on, and when she refused his suggestion of mutual masturbation, he told her that sex with him was the wifely duty that she hadn’t made good on. Of course this guy was hoping the kinky activity would lead to sex.

Look, I like kink as foreplay just like the next bottom leaning switch, but the truth is kink never guarantees sex, nor does it ever have to include sex. This is a very popular assumption that vanilla folks make, but I will say that I am also surprised by how many experienced kinksters even struggle with this at times.

Let me give you a real-life example: I tie my girlfriend nearly weekly now. Sometimes, they ask me to put then in a restrictive harness that allows them to hug themselves, like a Fisherman’s Harness, and then they let me cradle them in my arms. They often request it to feel relaxed after a long day, and if it ends there, that’s completely okay with me.

Shawn clearly didn’t understand that part.

1. Using rope that is unsafe for bondage

…and for whatever else Shawn thought his thirsty ass was doing. It didn’t even look like rope–it looked like a long-ass belt that he used to do a (very wrong, very unsafe) variation of a hogtie. Either way, that rope wasn’t it. Silk ribbons or rope, belts, etc. are not as safe or durable as jute, hemp, nylon, or POSH. If the cheap flogger wasn’t a dead giveaway that Shawn is not at all knowledgeable or familiar with anything he was doing, the use of the makeshift rope to do sexy bondage most certainly was. I simply could not unsee it.

2. …and then, doing a very unsafe tie.

He tied the rope around her neck and then bound Nikki’s wrists behind her back, and when I saw the completed tie…I was horrified. Rope around the neck is a bad idea for many reasons: first, because it is physically dangerous. There’s no doubt about that, especially when you are a clueless n00b like Shawn. But given that Nikki is a Black woman, this also has the potential to be psychologically and emotionally dangerous as fuck when you consider Black people’s relationship to rope around the neck used for lynching us even now in 2026.

My guess is that Shawn doesn’t know anything about Coach Felyne’s framework for Trauma Informed Consensual Kink nor, despite being in academia, has ever even bothered to read about epigenetic inheritance of trauma that Black folks who are descendants of enslaved people often carry.

Why am I talking about this? Because there are too many kink-curious folks who will see that scene and think they can try that at home safely. They won’t do the reading, won’t ask their partner any questions, and won’t learn to play safely. I wanted to be real about the glaring mistakes I saw as an experienced kinkster and budding rope top.

Here are some books and resources I would suggest to Shawn if I even believed he wanted to learn how to explore kink with Nikki safely (and for any of you who are interested):

Safety and Kink

The TICK E-Book by Coach Felyne

The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book, both by Dossie Easton

Rope Safety and Beginner Skills

Somatics for Rope Bottoms by Natasha Nawateneko