Is this a sign?

When we booked my husband’s flight to San Diego, I instantly was hit with my stomach anxiety. The kind I would get before a tumbling competition, or a big test.

The anxiety that feels like someone is stepping on your chest.

My husband has a big job opportunity in San Diego. A really big one. The kind of opportunity that could change a lot for our family. So he is flying out there to interview in person and see if this could actually be the next step for us.

And if it works out… We could move to San Diego.

Just typing that feels crazy.

I feel like my life for the past two years has been stagnant. I hate that feeling. I feel stuck.

Sometimes I feel like I’m trying to climb out of this hole while people are trying to pull me back down.

My mother-in-law calls. We answer together. She tells us this isn’t a good idea. The schools won’t be good. What about family support? What if the job doesn’t work out?

All the What If’s started to pour out of her mouth…

But we continue anyway.

Because we’re drowning.

We need space.

A change.

I need room to breathe and grow.

Also I’ve always dreamed of living close to the beach.

That night, we all fell asleep in our California king bed as a family for the last time… at least for a little while.

The next morning, I drive him to the airport. I try not to cry. But I can’t. I’m bawling. My best friend is leaving.

I’m sad and proud all at once. Proud that we’re willing to try something new, even when it’s scary.

After dropping him off, he calls. They canceled his flight with no notice.

Of course they did, right?

The lady at the front desk gets him another ticket an hour later. It all works out. But for a second, I can’t help but think…

Is Utah trying to hold us back?

I’ve always been a big believer in trusting the process. So now I find myself wondering. Is this the universe telling me not to move? Or a test before we do?

I don’t know what this means. Maybe everything will fall into place exactly how it’s supposed to? Or maybe it won’t?

I guess for now, all I can do is trust that wherever we’re meant to end up, we’ll find our way there.

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xoxo