Here’s the thing: I don’t have one of those “straight-line” brains.
You know the type - those remarkable ‘normal’ people who make to-do lists and then (wait for it) actually do the things, in order, without suddenly deciding to reorganize the spice rack or deep-clean the paintbrush jar.
Nope - My brain is more like a pinball machine. Lights flashing, balls ricocheting - sometimes hitting the jackpot, sometimes stuck in a corner until someone gives it a nudge, sometimes flying right out of the machine and exploding like a firework into a thousand different directions.
That’s life with ADD.
I know this because I lived for 23 years with a logical, systematic thinker - my ex-husband. He loved order, systems, zero clutter, everything needed to be in its place, he has schedules and plans and he wanted all the doors closed behind us! Oh boy…..notice the ‘ex’ (although this wasn’t why we divorced LOL)
Me? I wanted all the doors open, fifty projects happening at once, and plenty of room for not knowing. I’m fine with some chaos - I even thrive on it. My brain can change gears in a second and pivot like nobody’s business. It’s both my secret sauce and my daily challenge.
The upsides of an ADD brain:
I see possibilities everywhere.
I can flip between canvases without blinking.
As a designer, I could always see the whole scheme from above.
I have endless energy for what excites me….although in my 60’s now, those grueling gym sessions and 3am studio exits are not as easy to bounce back from
And when it gets interesting- yup Hyper-focus mode kicks in and I can get a shit load of stuff done in record time.
The downsides:
Too many half-finished canvases.
Studio messes that appear in record time.
My memory is… well, let’s just say don’t expect me to remember names. It’s bad!
Paperwork and forms? Actual nightmare.
to name but a few….
There have been times when it felt more acute (working in a stressful fast paced design world for starters), puberty, pregnancy, and in now good old menopause it seem to be having it’s second coming.
However now that I’m a self employed full time painter who lives alone and works with no deafening client expectations, no brief, no real deadlines. Just freedom and a huge unwieldiness space to expand into and make mess in. It all might sound dreamy and it is believe me… until you realize maybe too much freedom for an ADD brain is like handing a toddler a Costco-sized jar of glitter. Beautiful, but also absolutely everywhere.
All that mad vivacious creativity aside…..sure there are days when I need to sit with my lap top and focus BIG TIME. These are the days I take my prescription (brain changing)med Adderall. I use it as a tool. It’s not necessary on my studio days (although I love the extra boost of turbo energy it gives me and the reduced appetite sure helps my thighs) but I want the rollercoaster of emotion and that varied pathway that ADD can lead me down.
I wish I’d been able to use this tool at school- I might not have left that very academic girls school feeling quite as dim. But the truth is I am actually grateful it wasn’t available 50 years ago - I had to learn how to manipulate and utilize my weird and wonderful brain in order to serve me as best it can.
So with all that said…… what have I learned about myself as a creative ADD?
I need both - the chaos and the container. My ADD brain provides the spark. Routines (to some extent), systems (when I can follow them), lists (if I remember to look at them) a few trusted people who give me the structure and space to be me …..and a whole lot of grace- both for myself and the people who have to interact with me to keep me painting instead of just pin balling.
If you’ve got an ADD brain too, you probably get it. Some days it feels like a curse. Other days, it’s the exact reason we make magic.
Honestly? I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I now think of it as my super power and I am grateful to harness all it offers me.
Watch out for more posts about the other tricks and tools I use to keep me on track for all that is meant for me!
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