St Augustine’s Battle With Chastity

“Lord, give me chastity and continence, but not yet!” This infamous prayer of the young Augustine of Hippo (354-430) reflects the inner conflict of any soul who recognises the virtuous thing to do, yet fears the demanding struggle against human urges and passions. In his Confessions, St Augustine was not afraid to admit his utter powerlessness in the face of sexual temptation. As a young man, he had given in to the attraction of sexual pleasure and took a lover whom he would never marry but who bore him his only son, Adeodatus. He was brutally honest about why he chose to live with this woman: “I had chosen her for no special reason but that my restless passions had alighted on her”. He was faithful to her throughout their years together, yet he could see that his love for her, marked by lust, was very different from the love he would expect in a proper marriage. This difference was most apparent in the attitude to children. Whereas marriage is contracted for the purpose of being open to new life, his irregular union was “a bargain struck for lust, in which the birth of children is begrudged, though, if they come, we cannot help but love them”.

When Augustine abandoned the Catholic faith of his youth, much to the anxiety and dismay of his mother, St Monica, he never ceased to search for truth, even if his search led him down a few blind alleys. This search was hampered not just by his lack of understanding but by the power of the favourite sin which blinded him. His conversion was delayed because his sin enslaved him and prevented him from surrendering to the truth of the Catholic faith which would, in turn, have meant the abandonment of his old sinful lifestyle. He wrote: “I was bound down by this disease of the flesh. Its deadly pleasures were a chain that I dragged along with me, yet I was afraid to be freed from it”. His friend, the chaste Alypius, tried to talk good sense into Augustine. However, vice is contagious, and curiosity together with Augustine’s ideas began to lead Alypius astray: “For my part, I was a prisoner of habit, suffering cruel torments through trying to satisfy a lust that could never be sated: while Alypius was being led by curiosity into a like state of captivity”.