Travelling The World En Famille

This is The Metamorphosis Map, where I explore change in life and at work, through the lenses of my passions: travel, sketching, culture, nature and learning.

If you enjoy this newsletter, please like, comment, send a one-off tip or consider becoming a paid subscriber and get a 1-1 creative change planning session.

Tip hat 🎩

There’s a romantic notion of the ultimate traveller that prevails. A lone wolf, with a back pack (or toothbrush) and no responsibilities. Going wherever the wind blows them or their fancy takes them.

It’s one option. But it’s not the only way to do it. You don’t have to be a certain age, single or retired to be a free spirit. It is possible to travel with a family. Even to grow a family as you go. I know because although I didn’t set out to do it, that’s what happened to me.

I’d travelled before, on my own or with friends. I’d lived in 5 countries before I met my husband. Not long after we married we quit our jobs in London. We decided that life was too short not to have big adventures and set off for Cambodia . We arrived in Phomn Pehn with a big suitcase for a 6-month experiment. And left 8 years later with 2 small children, and a bit more luggage.

As our youngest prepares to leave the family nest, I’m reflecting on their international upbringing. Although they are British, they have never lived in Britain. They were babies and toddlers in Cambodia, children in Serbia and teens in Slovenia. So they are third culture kids; a mixture of parents’, current country plus other cultures they have experienced.

Our relationship with our children is stronger for this itinerant life . We have robust bonds, forged with love through challenge and adventure. And sometimes painfully through adversity or necessity. But their varied experiences have enriched them beyond anything I could have imagined. I wouldn’t change the way we did it for the world.

I won’t pretend there haven’t been challenges, though. Big questions like health and education came to the fore. Making -and losing- friends has been more of a minefield than usual. Language and culture have opened up new worlds and slammed doors shut. Change is relentless and nothing is simple. Being different is inescapable.

But life is never boring. Every day brings learning. You question everything and become versatile to survive.

In such a situation, the family unit is the one constant. You spend a lot of time together. Sometimes it can feel too close. Like any family, you vent your frustrations on those who love and understand you. But when you are moving around, the habit is amplified.

So, what does it take to travel en famille?

I’d say there are three non-negotiables:

To live outside norms you have grown up with, you must be be self-motivated and willing to rely on your own judgement. Sometimes you have to ignore local laws and culture to take responsibility for yourself.

I don’t mean doing anything illegal. Usually, it’s more like taking more or different precautions than required. I’m all for respecting local culture, but when it is dangerous or against my values, I’ll stick to my own way of doing things. We’ve instilled the same attitude in our children.

Lax rules of the road and babies on motorbikes were “normal” when we lived in Cambodia, but we didn’t have to embrace them. Of course, we were also lucky enough to have access to safer options. Risk is part of life, but you need to manage it consciously. Especially when you are responsible for dependents.

Cultures in the Balkans tend to be traditional. Good news if you want to attend a festival or eat homemade food, not so great sometimes for embracing diversity. Strong religious elements of culture can bind people together but also exclude others. We ended up discussing a lot more theological and moral issues with our children than we’d expected, from an early age.

Growing up in different countries means more change at every level. Likes and dislikes change anyway, but so does access to food and other products. You can’t rely on anything remaining constant. My daughter’s favourite fruit could be a metaphor for assimilation in current surroundings; it used to be rambutan, then strawberry, now grapes.

On the other hand, you can get used to trying new things. Embrace what works best wherever you are. Swimming all year round in the tropics meant the children became water babies. Cycling was also more accessible than organised sports.

In the Balkans, any sports are pursued with vigour. Practice 3 -6 times a week is normal for any hobby, so our children made rapid progress in karate, horse riding, dance and athletics. They are both decent skiers for Brits (though nothing special in Slovenia, where many children ski even before they walk).

Creating routine in unfamiliar surroundings and a new culture is a challenge. You need to be good at research, making and reaching out to contacts. You can’t afford to be shy - or stingy with sharing your own knowledge.

It always takes time to settle into a new place, especially a new country. But having a routine, including school and extra-curricula activities, helps a lot. Free time to play is important, but during change, too much can be anxiety-inducing. A daily flexible schedule can provide scaffolding on which to build a life.

Initially, I was surprised how much our children liked a structure as well as independence. I see now how the one inspired the other. They both have the confidence to go to university in different countries, try new things and break out of any mould.

There are more skills I could mention, but these have been the most important to us. In my next posts, I’ll talk about top priorities and impacts of living abroad as a family.

In the meantime

What do you think?

Do you agree or have a different experience or ideas?

I’d love to know.

Tip hat 🎩

Life is a journey and everyone’s map looks different. 🗺️