Little Things That Drive You Batshit

I leave the refrigerator door open. Not cracked open—wide open.

Apparently this has been happening for years. I honestly don’t even notice I’m doing it.

My husband does.

He’ll walk through the kitchen, quietly close the door, and keep going.

No lecture.

No “Seriously?”

No dramatic sigh. Just… closes it.

It made me laugh because I realized something.

Every couple has their thing.

Maybe yours is the dishwasher.

Or the towels on the floor.

Or the toothpaste squeezed from the middle.

Maybe one of you is standing by the front door with keys in hand while the other is still wandering around looking for shoes.

Maybe one of you wants to talk everything through while the other needs an hour before they even know what they think.

None of those things are really the problem. They’re just what happens when two different people decide to build one life together.

Somewhere along the way, I realized I had a choice. I could spend my marriage keeping score over the little things… or I could notice all the things he does that make my life easier.

He notices things I don’t. He takes care of things I never even think about. And I’m sure there are a hundred things I do that he’s quietly decided aren’t worth mentioning anymore.

That’s marriage.

Not finding someone who never gets on your nerves. Finding someone whose good is so much bigger than the handful of things that aren’t.

I think we get ourselves into trouble when we make little things feel big.

The towel on the floor becomes, “You don’t respect me.” The dishwasher becomes, “You never listen.” The refrigerator door becomes a personality flaw.

Sometimes…

It’s just a refrigerator door.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking about lowering your standards. If someone is disrespectful, dishonest, or cruel, that’s different. I’m talking about the everyday stuff that slowly steals the joy from otherwise good relationships.

Don’t lower your standards. Shift your attention.

I’ve found that what I pay attention to grows. If I spend all day noticing what’s wrong, my relationship starts to feel wrong. If I notice what’s right, I experience my relationship differently—even though nothing about my husband has changed.

Turns out, neither of us needed to become a different person.

We just needed to stop expecting the other one to be.

And yes, I still leave the refrigerator door open.

He still quietly closes it.

I have a feeling we’ll be doing that twenty years from now.

Honestly, I hope so.

🧡

If this resonates with you, this is exactly the kind of work I do with my coaching clients.

Not helping people lower their standards.

Helping them shift their attention, understand themselves better, and create relationships that feel calmer, lighter, and a whole lot less complicated.

Sometimes changing a relationship doesn’t start by changing your partner.

It starts by changing the way you show up.

If you’re interested, send a message and let’s chat! lisabairdhoey.com