How To Become More Magnetic

Thirteen years ago, I went through a meditation where I was asked to visualize my dream relationship. He didn’t ask me to picture the person.

He asked me, “What does a normal day look like?”

For whatever reason, I imagined waking up next to someone who was smiling because she was genuinely grateful to be with me. Then I walked through the rest of the day. The feeling of the day. The energy in the house. The kind of future we’d be building together.

At the time, none of it existed. Today, when I look over at my wife Martha, I think about that visualization a lot. Not because everything happened exactly the way I imagined it would, but because it reminds me how much had to change in me before this relationship entered my life.

It didn’t happen in six months. It didn’t happen in six years. It took almost a decade.

Looking back, I don’t think the biggest shift was attracting the relationship. It was becoming the kind of man who could receive it.

That thought was on my mind when I sat down with my friend Aaron Doughty on the podcast this week. Aaron has spent years helping millions of people understand how their identity, subconscious patterns, and beliefs shape the life they create.

The last time I saw him was the day after Martha and I became exclusive. Since then, we’ve gotten married, welcomed our twin daughters, and built a life we’re incredibly grateful for.

Reflecting on this made me want to ask him a question that I think will help many of you.

What blocks someone from becoming magnetic and attracting a better future?

Most of you might assume it’s a lack of confidence or charisma. But it’s actually your attachment to old beliefs, old identities, and old days of protecting yourself that’s holding you back.

Your attachment to those things can be found typically by asking yourself, “Who did I have to become to receive love growing up?”

Maybe you became the achiever. Maybe you became the people pleaser. Maybe you learned to read everyone else’s emotions before you ever paid attention to your own.

Those patterns often begin as survival. They help us navigate childhood. The problem is that we carry those patterns into adulthood without realizing it.

One distinction Aaron made really shifted my thinking about it.

You’re not a people pleaser. You are just stuck in an old pattern that you learned trying to protect yourself. The good news is that you can change your patterns.

The more we talked about it, the more I realized that magnetism isn’t about getting more people to like you. It’s about becoming so aligned with who you really are that you no longer need everyone else’s permission to be yourself.

I had to go through this process myself over the last decade, which is what eventually prepared me to feel ready for that future I visualized thirteen years ago.

That inner work allowed me to become a more authentic version of myself who was ready to receive a different future.

If you’ve been feeling stuck and are ready to shift your old beliefs and your identity, I think you’ll enjoy the full conversation with Aaron.