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Hey! I’m Tim Barnes; it’s Wednesday in America, and here are FIVE JOKES!
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Documents from law enforcement spy centers show the government is warning cops of "extensive and ongoing chatter on social media" about methods to "physically destroy Flock LPR cameras." A weird way to learn that America’s equivalent to 007 is just a guy swiping through TikTok all day.
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Across America, stores that sell things are giving way to shops that sell services, like spas, gyms, and restaurants. But, let’s be honest, that random earbud store on your block that only seems to be open twice a a year is doing both.
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The only person to break the sound barrier in a car earned another world record on Tuesday in a show of force for hydrogen power. In a statement afterword, he whispered, “I am become Sonic, destroyers of Dr. Eggman.”
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The Trump administration could soon equip federal immigration agents with gloves capable of delivering electric shocks during physical confrontations. Oddly enough, Disneyland is considering the same move for the gloves worn by Mickey.
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Finally…
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In last week’s earnings call, Burger King US was highlighted as a “standout performer” in the portfolio of parent company Restaurant Brand International, which also owns Popeyes and Tim Hortons. Okay, now I see why Brian Cox became the voice of McDonald’s. This Succession sequel is lit.
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This is typically a space for secret messages to paid subscribers, a.k.a., a rare glimpse into what we actually feel about something in the news, but TODAY you can all listen to Ray Cotolo and Tim Barnes chat about this headline: The Trump administration could soon equip federal immigration agents with gloves capable of delivering electric shocks during physical confrontations.
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Check out Ray’s short, Make the Best of It!:
On Sunday, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez announced that she is freezing her eggs.
Rep. Lauren Boebert's 21-year-old son Tyler has been arrested on child sexual exploitation charges.
Following in the footsteps of Phoebe Snow, Aretha Franklin and Boyz II Men, Brandy will sing the theme song for A Different World:
What we’re gonna do right here is go back / Way back / Back into time
“What’s with emailing five jokes a day?” — It’s all explained here:
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