Hello Summer... Why All the Judgment + Where's the Respect?!

The heat is intense for lots of you this week. You know what else is intense? How basic rules of all types seem to fly out the window when summer arrives. Not just the screen time rules and the bedtime rules, but also the rules of basic kindness and decency.

This goes two ways — kids seem just as likely to push the limits of their independence (You expected me to check in with you today?!) as adults are to drop their guard (How am I supposed to get anything done when they’re not at school or camp or work?!). The result: lots of judgment and far less respect.

Here’s some advice we repeat throughout the year but applies almost hourly during the summer: drop your disdain, your I-can’t-believe-this-is-how-you’re-spending-your-time or who-you’re-spending-it-with attitude. Your feelings might be extremely valid, because there are countless issues through the tween and teen (and 20-something!) years that beg us to judge our kids and other people’s kids, too. But if you want to keep the communication door open, you don’t really have a choice. They will simply not engage with us if they think we’re being disrespectful. Yes, even at precisely the same time that we are receiving disrespect.

When any of us — young or old — feel disrespected, our cortisol levels start to surge. From the adult POV, they might have done something dangerous or broken a rule that should have been a given or they just looked at us or spoke to us in a certain way that pushed a big bulging button. When anyone — young or old — feels like they aren’t being treated with respect, it’s easy to slip into, you guessed it, judgment.

Summer can devolve into one big judgment + dis-filled stew that tastes awful.

For those seeking tips, tricks, and guidance, we’ve got you: a playlist of podcasts we recorded over the years, tackling judgment, respect, and a handful of companion issues. Take a listen if you want to feel a little less critical and a lot more confident.

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Here it is! THE RESPECT + JUDGMENT PODCAST PLAYLIST:

• How to Parent without Judgment .Judging ourselves, judging other parents, judging our partners, and judging our kids... This episode offers suggestions for kicking the judginess habit and shares a bunch of our own fails in the process.

• R-E-S-P-E-C-T with Betsy Brown Braun. We dive into the multilayered topic of respect — what it means, how it develops, why it matters and how it’s a skill built over time through modeling, guidance, and real-life experiences.

• When Your Kids Friends Worry You. Kids’ friendship choices is a common place for both our judgmental instincts and concerns about disrespect to seep in. To help figure it all out we cover how to constructively address kids’ friendships and when to just watch from the sidelines.

• Teen Romance + First Loves. Wondering about a teen’s romantic choices is an age old trope, but layer on top of that the dating morés of today’s youth and you’ve got even more opportunity for judgment. Professor Lisa Phillips helps remove the judgment and offers terrific advice instead!

Prefer to watch the video? Every episode also lives on our YouTube channel.