A Funny Kind of Anniversary

This week marks the one year anniversary since my first of two hip replacements over the course of the last 12 months. Before you get concerned, I just want to say at the outset: It’s literally the best thing I’ve ever done. I don’t mean that in the: It was such a blast, you should all try it kind of way. I mean it in the: It was something that scared me, but in fact, it was such a positive experience on so many fronts.

(Not my actual x-ray!)

A decade-long road preceded my decision to go through with these twin surgeries. About 10 years ago, I had to stop running, slowly dropping out of my favorite sports, and then embarking on medical interventions and physical therapies to keep myself active. I saw a series of chiropractors, osteopaths, and orthopedic surgeons, but ultimately, the osteoarthritis had become so severe that, even though I was “just 49,” the time had come for hip replacements.

So I set out to do what I do best, which is to plan. And luckily, Cara and our team at Less Awkward love to plan as much, if not more, than I do. A year ahead, we mapped out how I could take a total of 12 weeks off from work, six for the right hip and six for the left hip. I examined my family’s calendar as well, scheduling around things like: camp visiting weekend, my daughter’s college application process, my eldest’s college graduation, and many family occasions. Plus, the hope was that I would write my next book while recovering – the first half of the book with my right hip recovery and the second half of the book with my left hip recovery. So I scheduled my surgeries and blocked out my work time, my family’s plans, my husband’s work schedule, as well as my sister’s, my mother‘s, and my close friends’ calendars. It was a master class in collective planning!

Last July, as the day approached for surgery #1, what was my greatest fear in all of this? Not the surgery itself – I’m not squeamish about pain or bodily functions or hospitals or doctors. I was most terrified of what it would mean to be dependent on other people for my care. As the perennial caregiver, I would need to be the care-receiver, relying on those around me to stay safe and recover well. It felt so vulnerable to need others for the most basic of daily tasks.

As worried as I was, my people showed up in spades. It actually felt like being on maternity leave but without the baby. Instead of me getting up in the middle of the night to nurse an infant, my husband would get up with me as I pushed my walker to the bathroom. Instead of friends holding the baby while I showered, they would make slow laps with me and my cane around the driveway. In place of watching my kids take their first-ever steps, my children watched me progress from walker to cane to no assistance, celebrating my milestones the same way I did theirs years ago.

I had feared being dependent on others for my recovery, but I had never felt safer or more loved. But the lesson was this: I had to give them the chance to show me how well they could take care of me. It was on me to allow them the space and opportunity.

Truly practicing gratitude was the second lesson I learned during my bionic year. There were so many moments leading up to the surgeries when I resented my body for starting to break down. But on the other side of these miraculous medical innovations (happy to share the actual x-rays of my new hips!) I learned how grateful I should be for every task my body is able to do and accept the things that it couldn’t. What’s more, the recovery experience provided me with so much empathy for what young people face during growing up. It reminded me of what it’s like to not know what lies ahead, to be confused or worried, and then to feel empowered and strong – all the challenges woven into their adolescent journeys.

Ultimately, this past year has instilled in me a profound thankfulness for so many things, not the least of which is excellent medical care and health insurance to cover it. I feel so grateful for the people in my life who cared for me when I couldn’t care for myself. I’m so deeply appreciative of my colleagues who handled my responsibilities while I was out so that I could fully recover. I feel proud that I did, in fact, finish my book and even enjoyed the process of writing it.

One last word for those of you living with pain and wondering if it’s worth seeing the doctor or those who know that something needs attention but you are afraid to hand off responsibilities: Don’t put it off. This is the year to put your bodies and your wellness first. Make that doctor’s appointment, schedule that surgery, and call in the cavalry to come help you. Accept the meals and the well wishes from your friends who are, as I so luckily learned, very happy to help. And finally, trust your loved ones to care for you the way you have cared for them over these many years. They can’t prove to you that they can do it unless you give them the chance.