The 24-Hour Diaries: Why Can’t This Be My Job?

A little about me: I’m Mary Dal Nogare, a married, 34 yr old mother to one sweet, 3 year old boy. We are best friends. In this season of life, my two greatest passions are motherhood and writing about motherhood. I focus on presence and the little moments that make motherhood worthwhile for my publication MOMents with Mary. I chose to stay-at-home with my son for 2 years, but 6 months ago I re-entered the working world as a part-time tax consultant. I’m still very much trying to find the right balance between work, motherhood, writing and my relationship. Every day is a tug of war between these competing roles.

This particular day, we were coming off of two weeks of toddler sickness that sent us to the doctor where asthma and pneumonia were scarily mentioned. We’ve also been struggling with some challenging 3 year old behavior lately. This day reflects that struggle, but also the beautiful MOMents in between.

8:04am

I wake up late and still tired. I check my Oura ring app. Not the best sleep. I have a warning saying my “biometrics show minor signs of something straining your body”. I’m slightly concerned. I really don’t want to contract whatever my son has been plagued with these last two weeks. I grab an Emergen-C packet out of the bathroom and head downstairs.

8:15am

No coffee filters. I must’ve forgotten to hit “buy” on my amazon cart. I’ll have to go to Acme instead of Trader Joes today to get them. I use a paper towel to brew the coffee and remember my mom made us do the same for her growing up.

8:22am

I try to enjoy some of my coffee in silence on the couch before my son wakes up, but end up straightening up a little bit between sips so there is slightly less clutter for my sister (the nanny).

8:52am

I sit down at my desk adjacent to my work desk to write. I think “Why can’t this be my job,” like I do every time I write before work. Mid-writing, I text my husband to send me some dinner ideas for food shopping later, he doesn’t send any. It must be a busy day at the hospital again.

8:56am

I hear my sister come in the door downstairs with her son. I check the monitor. My sweet boy is still sleeping. I’m so glad he is getting some rest. The last four nights his cough has been rough and I have been holding him upright to fall asleep. We are both worn out.

9:00am

Cold coffee in hand, I chat with my sister about the upcoming summer schedule changes. We just end up going in circles over what hours and days we should commit to.

9:15am

I start work.

10:00am

My boy is up! I get him dressed and ready for the day. I always prioritize spending a few minutes with him in the morning before handing him over to the nanny even though he woke up late today.

10:10am

I sit down to have my breakfast with the boys (my nephew, age 4 and son, age 3) while watching a webinar for CFP® continuing education credits. I can’t resist their cuteness today. I think about how they’ve been called twins and how similar they are, but also how different. My nephew is outgoing, fearless, independent, and very silly. My son is more hesitant, sweet, wildly imaginative, and very silly.

10:30am

Back to work upstairs.

11:30am

Distracted by my son yelling at the nanny. I check the cameras, then remind her the phrases and strategies we are using to combat the yelling.

12:19pm

Take a work break to conjure up a shopping list, but after 10 minutes I realize my husband will be home with my son all weekend and I will be away. This is somewhat new territory. I decide to just grab a few things so he can pick up what he would like to cook and eat.

12:27pm

Another ear-piercing shriek. It’s kind of hard to focus on numbers when your concentration is constantly broken by a terrorizing 3 yr old.

1:30pm

I finally get off an hour hold with a state taxing authority, but it’s time for my sister to leave for the day. I tell her to put on some Blippi and head out if she needs to leave.

1:35pm

I sign off work for the day and walk down the stairs to see my sweet boy curled up on the couch with his blankie. Somehow, he looks cuter and smaller to me after I’ve been away from him. I always feel that way even when I’m gone for as little as an hour.

1:40pm

Quick potty break and he doesn’t resist too much surprisingly. “I really had to go!” He says and I respond with “Why didn’t you tell your Aunt?” for the thousandth time. He has no answer for that, as usual.

1:44pm

Finally, lunch for me and finally going to take that Vitamin C pack that I forgot to take.

2:00pm

I’m wrangling my toddlers shoes on for the store so I can be home in time for my appointment at 3. Bribe #1: We will ride in Dada’s green truck instead of our car! It didn’t work. Bribe #2: You can pick out one Hot Wheels car at the store. It works. When he’s finally in the car he yells “It’s the Blippi mobile!”

2:08pm

He is coughing bad in the store. I wish I could tell the people giving us judgmental looks that he is on day 3 of antibiotics. It’s not contagious anymore. Calm down.

2:30pm

Making great time, but I promised a Hot Wheels car. He may not remember, but I can’t stomach the guilt, so we walk over to the wall filled with every type of car you could ever imagine. My husband calls it my son’s Sistine Chapel. The struggle is real to get him to focus and pick. With his choice finally in hand, he can’t contain the joy. He skips and whoops past the smiling onlookers and to the register. Worth it.

2:45pm

Mission accomplished. We are home. He gives me a tight hug when I lift him from the car seat. Reunited, we both take a deep breath. We need this calm second together.

2:54pm

I run upstairs and put on some makeup before my video call so my therapist isn’t concerned for my well-being or something. I always get ready for the day. Always. I didn’t today.

3:05pm

I check my messages and see my appointment has been rescheduled to tomorrow. I sigh and realize I didn’t have to shove a 45min shopping trip into my day.

3:19pm

I’m feeling a little rundown. Take the Vitamin C, woman! Instead, I start baking a loaf of bread for dinner.

3:25pm

My son face plants and gets rug burn on his chin. I suggest he takes off his slippery socks. He refuses.

3:45pm

Standing at the sink, I hear the sweetest voice repeat his new favorite phrase “I want you Mama.” I take a break from cooking to throw the plush football with him. I finally drink the Vitamin C mid-touchdown dance.

3:53pm

My husband is home! He talks to me and plays with our son for a bit then goes to head upstairs. I tell him to take off our son’s socks first as he just fell. Again.

4:40pm

An easy soup dinner (Italian Penicillin) has turned into an hour and a half process because I’m just taking it slow and dodging my son racing around the kitchen and playroom to kids’ music.

5:00pm

I pause to play race cars with my boy while the soup boils and bread bakes. An immense feeling of gratitude floods my mind.

5:20pm

We all sit down to dinner. My son won’t eat it. We start negotiation tactics and I feel the frustration and overstimulation creep in on me.

5:40pm

I’m tired and done with dinner. I mumble something to my husband like “I need to lay down,” and I take a rare break from the overstimulation upstairs in our room.

6:00pm

I head downstairs to see the boys cleaning. My husband is finishing up the dishes and my son is picking up his toys. I smile as the gratitude floods in again.

6:15pm

Time for the three of us to watch some TV before bed, our nightly ritual. My son says “I want to watch TV with you, Mama” my husband replies “Not with me?!” My son says “With Mama!” My husband says “Alright, I’m leaving then!” He responds “Ok, byeee Dada” and waves his hand goodbye. We laugh with tears in our eyes. Three-year-olds really are the best.

7:04pm

To prep for bed, I go up a flight of stairs, fill the humidifier and change the sheets. Go down two flights, grab the new pajamas from the dryer. Go up a flight, give my son his inhaler and antibiotics. He has always been a champ at taking medicine.

7:15pm

It’s my bedtime tonight. Me and my husband rotate every other night. My son and I head up the stairs together to brush his teeth. I pull out all of the tactics to get him to sit on the potty and try #2. No luck and I just extended the bedtime routine by at least 15 minutes.

7:49pm

Pajamas, books and singing. Then I lay him down in the dark with blankie, tickle his cheek and tell him I love him. He replies, “I love you too.” After years of no reply, I’m still surprised every time he repeats those words back to me. It’s hard to accept that he may not be a baby anymore.

8:00pm

Still holding the knob on my son’s door, I exhale the day away. Now what? I’m torn between taking some time to myself to write and shower or connecting with my husband. We recently reinstated Wednesday date nights to consciously prioritize time with each other. I overcommit as usual and decide on all three. I text him the plan and head to the shower first.

8:30pm

I finally sit down in my happy place. I’ve walked by my writing desk all day and noticed the lamp was still on. I left it, thinking I could find a second to squeeze in some more time to write. Better make this half an hour count.

9:00pm

I Chat GPT some movie suggestions and get some snacks together for us. Just popcorn and pretzels, I’m too tired to put in more effort than that. I really must be getting sick.

11:00pm

The movie is over and we head up to bed. Exhausted, but fulfilled, I drift asleep easily tonight.

Bonus Timestamp: 7:15am the next day:

I wake up, go downstairs to make coffee and realize that I forgot to get the coffee filters I went to Acme specifically for instead of Trader Joe’s.

What was a hard moment?

Dinner time was hard. I used to get very overstimulated and overwhelmed at this time almost every day. I’ve been doing infinitely better, but this day was hard. I think partly because my son was still a bit sick, clingy and difficult and I just wasn’t feeling my best. I absolutely hate when my nervous system is in fight or flight mode. I’m glad I told my husband I needed a short break and that I actually took it. That 20 minutes gave me enough fuel to be my normal, calm and loving self and have more to give through the bedtime routine.

What was a good moment?

Honestly, maybe just the tight squeeze of a hug I shared with my son after the shopping trip. It felt like time stopped, standing in our driveway in the drizzling rain with his little arms wrapped around me. I don’t know who initiated it, but I think it was him. I wonder what he was thinking. Maybe he was grateful for the new toy car, maybe he was glad that I was done work, maybe he just needed it. I certainly did.

What’s something you’re loving right now?

Writing before work. It’s become a bit of a routine. This morning I didn’t even get in 10 minutes, and I have never gotten in more than a half hour, but it’s been adding up and I’ve written more. I think it sets me up for a great day when I start out with something purely for me. Also, as the day picked up speed, I was only able to get in another half hour of writing, so it has been crucial to be able to fit it in early.

Another thing I’m loving is the mantra “he’s not giving you a hard time, he’s having a hard time.” It helps me to stay calm, curious and caring as I guide my son through these recent challenging behaviors and tantrums.

If you’re a mom and want to be featured in The 24-Hour Diaries, I’d love to hear from you!