How to custom design an engagement ring

I am at the age where many of my friends are getting engaged. As the self-appointed Friend With Taste™️, I have the honor of advising them on the engagement ring shopping process, which took me down memory lane of designing my own ring.

The one prerequisite that I gave my husband, then boyfriend, was that I wanted to choose my own ring. To keep the element of surprise, he proposed with a prop ring ($99.99 from Walmart.com), and after that I had full creative control over the process.

Since I’m extremely particular, I decided to custom design my ring, which, looking back, is very similar to the process of designing furniture for lazy jamie. Loosely it goes: concept → sketch → 3D render → lo-fi prototype → sourcing → final product.

Please, do not start by going down a Pinterest or Instagram rabbit hole of saving every ring that you like. It’s counterproductive, and will only confuse you. Instead, make a few bridal appointments at the biggest luxury jewelers, like Harry Winston, Tiffany’s, and Graff (all three of whom specialize in diamonds and engagement rings over the other premier jewelers).

While you likely won’t purchase your ring from here unless you want the brand name (which comes at a markup), the point is to try on a variety of rings. You will quickly notice a pattern of what you like and don’t like, and with that, how certain shapes and sizes actually look on your finger and hand. The most important thing to pay attention to at this stage is the center stone, which contributes 99% of the value of the ring.

Be prepared to tell your sales associate your budget, but keep in mind that these houses have 2-3x markups compared to independent jewelers, which will inversely impact the size of the rings you’re viewing.

The next step is to find an independent jeweler to actualize your ring. I worked with Briony Raymond, who is the sister of my former coworker at Tamara Mellon and spent years at Van Cleef & Arpels before starting her own brand.

My best advice for finding a jeweler: don’t go to just anyone in the Diamond District and assume they’ll be able to execute your vision, no matter how specific you are. Jewelry making is an art, and the devil is in the details. Take a look at their previous work and make sure it fits closely with the look and feel you’re going for. Otherwise, it’s like fitting a square peg into a round hole. I wanted to work with Briony because I wanted a traditional, heirloom quality to my ring, and that fit her technical experience and approach.

In addition to Briony, some other jewelers I like are Fewer Finer in Williamsburg and Starling in LA. All of these also do heirloom revival if you’re bringing your own stone.

Your jeweler will source center stone options based on your budget and vision. I brought Briony a moodboard and she sourced three center stone options—two Asschers and one square emerald cut—each with photos, videos, and GIA specs. Together, we decided on an Asscher center stone with trapezoid side stones in platinum mounting.

If you’re doing this remotely like me, ask for videos of the stone in natural light. After you select your center stone, you’ll select your side stones (if you want them). This took just as much deliberation. Briony sourced three trapezoid pairs in varying sizes, and we went back and forth on which would complement, rather than compete with, the Asscher.

Now your jeweler moves into the CAD stage—basically, a 3D render of your ring before it’s made. This is your last chance to get particular before they start cutting metal. Be obsessive.

I sent a full PDF of notes. Prong shape: “talon-like, not rounded.” Trapezoid angle: slightly tucked under the center stone and angled down. Gallery profile: I wanted the arms to be straight, not curved.

The CAD will look heavier than the final product. It’s built with extra material to account for what’s lost during setting and polishing. From there, they print a wax model, which is your final gut check before casting. Ask to see this—you can’t rush this part.

You should be thinking about your wedding band while you’re designing your engagement ring. The two need to work together—specifically, whether you want them to sit flush. Some rings' galleries (the underside of the setting) don't allow them to sit together without a gap.

I wanted a flush stack, so Briony included the wedding band in the CAD render so I could see how they’d pair before the engagement ring was made. When it came time for the band, I went back to Briony and ended up choosing her Skinny Sloan band in yellow gold (I wear both silver and gold jewelry).

If you are engaged, may I suggest a personalized engraved gift for your bridal party or anyone who has to put up with you during your #bridalera.