the problem is my closet

Remember the episode of Sex and the City where Samantha feels bored by New York? The girls are in some new hot spot and everyone but Samantha is excited by the scallops and the men at the bar. Samantha is so underwhelmed she makes a comment about naming New York Same York instead. That is exactly how I’ve been feeling for some time now. Almost every time I have to go out and do something fun, dread seems to find me. It doesn’t come right away though. I always look forward to seeing whoever I have plans with, but something shifts eventually. Sometimes it’s days before the event, sometimes it’s the day of and then it’s all consuming when I have to start getting ready.

I’m in New Jersey just minutes from NYC. I go out mostly in NJ for convenience but also venture into the city fairly regularly as well. I don’t go to shitty places. NJ tends to be vibeless if you’re trying to find music before 11:00pm, but our restaurants and bars are aesthetically pleasing for the most part, many have skyline views, and a good meal and cocktail are not hard to find. The city is always going to bring more of a vibe no matter what, yet still, regardless of where I am, nothing is hitting. And I think I know exactly why. I’m not suddenly bored with my area. I don’t want to move. The options don’t suck all that much. The real problem isn’t where I’m going. It’s what’s happening before that. The problem is my closet.

Recently I saw a quote that said “Opening up your closet should be like arriving at a party where everyone you see is someone you like.”

It stopped me in my tracks because that couldn’t feel further from the truth for me. It felt like a sudden awakening and I realized that this is why going out doesn’t feel fun anymore. The energy of the final destination is not the only energy that matters. The energy of what I’m doing before I get there is paving the way and setting the tone for what’s to come.

How am I supposed to have a good time when my pre-game looks like this:

*Lies on couch scrolling the fashion tab on Pinterest knowing there’s nothing in my closet that resembles any of it*

*Finally find energy to get up. Open up all closet doors and drawers and feel disappointed because everything is mediocre at best.*

*Do that two or three more times in hopes something that wasn’t there the first time will somehow magically appear. I do this with the fridge too when I’m hungry.*

*Accept that nothing new is going to jump out at me and take out the suitable options*

*Put them on my body and loathe everything.*

*Put my robe back on and start my make up and hair because once that’s done, the clothes will totally look better.*

*Put them on my body again and realize they don’t.*

*Tell myself that I’m not going out anymore and I’m never making plans again because it’s too much work. Look at the clock and panic because how did that much time pass already??? I had a whole hour just 4 minutes ago.*

*Because my entire wardrobe is on the floor and time has run out, I’m forced to make a choice. I choose something. After putting it on, I look in the mirror and acknowledge that it is not amazing, but it is fine.*

That is exactly how the entire evening ends up feeling. Fine.

I mean based off that routine, what else can I expect?

It’s been so long since I put on an outfit I was excited about. Something that had a WOW factor or gave me a boost of baddie b energy. The selection in stores are so limited these days that I got complacent with the convenience of Amazon shopping and purchasing random finds from influencer storefronts. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I’ve gotten great stuff that way but for me at least, my personal style took a hit. It feels like I lost it and shopping became more about fast, easy items instead of pieces that excite me.

It’s time to change that because last year I created the most gorgeous glam closet to get ready in and it feels sinful to hate most of what’s in it.

Here’s how I’m making a shift:

I’m asking myself how I want to feel in my clothing and what the next level version of me wears. I want to feel confident, happy and interesting. The next level version of me has more of a fun, unique and visually stimulating wardrobe. More accessories, more vibrant colors and prints. Jazzing up WFH wear is a must. I’m thinking of doing this with jewels.

Over the weekend I saw the new Wuthering Heights movie and my obsession with Margot Robbie has multiplied for many reasons, but the fashion and accessories in this movie!! UGH! Chef’s kiss! It reminded me that I want to be more intentional with my presentation. You’re not going to find me in corsets and velvet ball gowns (on a daily basis at least lol), but I will be incorporating some Victorian inspired costume jewels. I’m also on the hunt for a muff because I can’t think of a more fabulous, unique winter accessory.

I’m pretty good at purging things I’m certain will never fit again, so I don’t have to do any of that, but I am going to do another run through of the closet and donate anything that isn’t practical or aligned with how I want to feel. I’m especially getting rid of any pieces that have annoyed me when they’ve been on my body (needing constant tugging or adjusting.)

I’m going to try my hardest not to save getting ready for the last second because rushing and scrambling is not a good way to start the night. I’m also going to try my best to think about what I want to wear for weekend plans during the week so when the time comes, it’s not such a last minute decision.

The other night, I saw I reel that said to put a picture of your younger self on your mirror so when you go to say something mean to yourself, you’re reminded that that’s who you’re speaking to. I’m also so doing that.

Essentially…

• Being more intentional overall and shopping with personal style in mind.

• Reclaiming excitement around clothing and shopping.

• Curating energy around the entire getting ready process, not just outfits.

This is a journey and I won’t see instant results because sadly I can’t create an entirely new wardrobe by next week but I will get there slowly but surely.

Please also drop your fav brands below!