Letting Myself Be Vulnerable

I was moved recently to post an image of myself on Facebook where my belly is clearly visible in all its roundness. I’d had a professional photo shoot with my husband and when the shots of me wearing this pink dress came back my internal monologue went into overdrive:

‘I didn’t realise that dress was so clingy… I should have checked my appearance more carefully… I could have brought more changes of clothing… I can’t use these photos…I’ve spoiled the photos for my husband…’

That’s unusual for me. My mind is generally peaceful most of the time, but I still have the odd button that can be pushed; embarrassment about that tum of mine is one of them. A few days later I was moved to look at the photos again. The image shows my belly and my boobs looking so full and rounded, and something shifted in me. I realised that the photographer had chosen this image as the cover photo for the whole album, that she really liked it a lot. It’s a beautiful photo, the composition is lovely and we look happy and relaxed together. I realised I could look at myself differently. Instead of ‘big belly’ I saw my curvy, goddess shape.

Not fat, feminine.

You see I have lost quite a bit of weight following my own intuitive approach which I call Loving Your Sacred Vessel and I have gone from obese and feeling unfit with health issues to a comfortable weight where my health concerns melted away. I feel fitter and I am more active than I have been all my adult life, even though I am now menopausal. That excess weight has stayed off, which never happened with dieting over the decades. I enjoy sharing my approach with other women in my live groups and have begun the Loving Your Sacred Vessel podcast to share with more women and hopefully release them from the diet trap too - you’ll find all the episodes here on my Substack.

BUT - my belly - it’s still rounded. I have never gone back to my ‘pre-baby’ shape. Emotionally I can love my body for expanding to carry my babies so magnificently, I can thank her and be grateful that my little ones came into the world safely and whole, that I had all the fun (and hard work) of motherhood and that they have grown up and are now the beautiful adults that I love dearly. BUT the ample appearance of my belly has been a sticking point in my acceptance of my self-image until now.

I was guided to share this photo and I ignored my guidance for a day. Honestly I was scared to post it. Would people scoff at me?

‘Who is she to speak about positive body image when she feels like that?’

‘Who is she to give guidance on having a healthy relationship with food with her big belly?’

A part of me expected public scorn and humiliation.

When I shared publicly on Facebook my pulse was racing, I was actually feeling scared, but I knew I needed to do it.

The result? An outpouring of love and kind comments instead. Plus wise messages from friends who really know me like this one:

"You look absolutely gorgeous as always Lauren. The beauty from within always shines through, and whoever sees that doesn't see a curvey belly or flat belly because that doesn't matter. Like you no matter what weight I am the belly is still there lol. But I love me for who I am, lumps, bumps warts and all. It's a lovely photo of you both.”

Something has shifted in me since posting that photo. I know that social media posts are a carefully curated slice of life that leave out some of the messy, behind the scenes, reality but sharing this photo opened me up to exposing more of my vulnerability and revealing a facet of myself that my followers don’t often get to see, a part that is still a work in progress. I didn’t receive criticism, I was met with love.

Women in our culture are ‘supposed’ to have firm, flat stomachs unless they are pregnant. I grew up with that story and felt embarrassed to have curves even as a slim teenager. What madness is this? Whose standards have we been measuring ourselves by? It is time to see ourselves and our bodies through a more loving lens.

I have cleared out a lot of old ‘diet rules’ in my journey with my weight, and I genuinely love my body for everything she does for me. I can finally enjoy food without worrying about the calories, or fat grams, or points, after a lifetime of yo-yo dieting. My self-esteem and body image is stronger than it has ever been, but I am still a work in progress - and so are you. Let’s own our individual journeys including all our ‘lumps and bumps’ along the way.

Share