In devotional dialogue with the body

Hello lovely one

How is your heart feeling? And equally importantly, how is your body feeling?

My own body feels achy but content today.

I had the pleasure of holding a beautiful Women’s Circle on Friday evening in my studio, and followed that with a satisfying 12 mile walk yesterday morning in preparation for my marathon walk in June in support of MacMillan (you can support our walk here if you have the capacity to do so). This morning me and the girls virtually with other women and their little ones in Sophie Johnson’s Beltane inspired Creative Journaling circle.

This past week I have felt the fizz of inspiration and also had the energy to take action on ideas, coupled with a lot of clarity about my next steps in my evolving business. While there still hasn’t been quite enough time in the days to fulfil all of my urges, it feels as though I am moving the needle slowly forwards.

It wasn’t my ‘plan’ to write to you today, and in fact I have been working on a long piece about Motherhood which I was expecting to share with you first, however creativity has it’s own agenda and I woke this morning with itchy fingers and a topic on my heart…

There is a huge amount of information and discussion about the nervous system on the internet right now.

Ten years ago, when I started sharing about the impacts of stress on our systems and how it played out in our lives, there was very little. In the past decade this discussion topic has become a hot one and my social media feeds are now filled with carousels and reels about what I should know/be doing/not be doing to have a ‘regulated’ nervous system - which ironically contributes to the information overwhelm that can even contribute to why our systems are struggling…

What I have learned, through education and studying, but mainly from living in a very sensitive system myself, is that there is never one single ‘thing’ that will ‘fix’ us. It is a multi-layered process.

Sometimes we find something that ‘works’ for a while and then we change, it stops ‘working’ and we appear to be back at square one. Over the years I have gone through long periods of time where controlling or managing one aspect of my life (food and exercise as two major examples) seem to keep a lid on my anxiety and stress levels. Until it doesn’t.

Recently I have been coming into deeper acceptance of my own level of sensitivity.

For decades I have worn the ‘over sensitive’, ‘melodramatic’, ‘ridiculous’ labels with shame… and while I DO identify with being sensitive I have also been opening up the internal conversation that perhaps this isn’t the negative thing that we have been lead to believe it is.

Sensitivity in it’s essence is a system that is highly attuned to the environment. There are multiple ways of experiencing it, but put simply it is living life with heightened senses and perceiving much of these senses as ‘dangerous’. My therapist describes it as having my antennae up and on high alert, keeping a watch out for danger and living in this constant state of ‘watching for threats’. I picture it as the meerkat who is upright and constantly on the look out for danger with it’s nose and ears twitching!

For me personally, this is not just about the outside world, but also - and probably more so in fact - it is being highly tuned in to my internal environment and my physical body sensations.

These sensory inputs can trigger a nervous system response that perceives them as threat, even though rationally we know that a certain smell/taste/sound/touch/sight is unlikely to actually cause us harm.

While I don’t think it is inherently ‘bad’ to be sensitive in this world, it does prove challenging when we are surrounded by so much stimulus, and can make daily life and experiences feel extra challenging.

The ‘easiest’ thing to do is to shut down these heightened feelings, which I did for the first thirty years of my life. However, my own experience in the past decade, and particularly the last few years, has shown that doesn’t prove to be a sustainable long term solution.

The other solution is to learn how to work with our systems to bring a sense of steadiness and stability.

Being ‘sensitive’ often partners with high levels of empathy, strong intuitive senses and a natural affinity to being able to sense things in others and the world around them.

This is actually what the world needs MORE of in my opinion, however for those walking this path it can feel excruciating to navigate existing in a highly attuned system in the modern world. But what if we can find ways to co-exist with this deep feeling humanness without it costing us?

Rather than there being a ‘fix’, I have come to the understanding that it is in the accumulative patterns that we consistently return to that, over time, gently soothes our systems and leads us into being able to access our parasympathetic (rest/digest) states of being. That is not to say we are supposed to be ‘regulated’ all the time, but in those of us who spend a lot of time under chronic stress and in a sympathetic (fight/flight/freeze) state of being, dialling down the response is an important ability to have.

Small moments woven through the day that add up.

This morning as I chose what to wear, it dawned on me that, while I don’t have huge amounts of space to dive deeply into one big ‘nervous system practice’, I do have dozens and dozens of opportunities to signal a sense of safety and care in my own body through the multiple decisions I make in devotion to myself every day.

For many of us, we have become so accustomed to tending to everyone else’s needs that we have written ourself out of our own stories. While caring and our careers don’t leave us as much space as we would ideally have, it is our responsibility to confirm our existence in our own lives.

⋙ It is choosing clothes that feel comfortable on your body. Clothes that are uncomfortable are like being constantly poked or prodded. A low level of irritation that can prompt a sensitive system to be chronically overwhelmed.

It is choosing waistbands that let your belly breathe, fabrics that soothe your skin, socks that keep you warm, bras that don’t restrict you, tops that allow you to move your arms fully, garments that don’t have scratchy labels on. It is the buttery soft sweatshirt that you pull on in the evening, and the soft woollen socks that signal to your body it is ‘wind down’ time. It is in loosening your hair band if it feels too tight, or probably taking it out all together.

⋙ It is the pace you move at. There is very little that is truly, truly urgent, even if we perceive it to be unconsciously. When we slow down - even just by taking 10 seconds longer to move through some of the daily tasks we have to do - we signal to our body that we are not ‘rushing away from something’ or in a dangerous situation.

It is in letting the shower pour over you for 1 minute longer in the morning, it is slowing down the walking pace as you take your kids to school, it is taking a moment to place your hand on your body and check in with yourself before you reach for your phone in the mornings.

⋙ It is honouring our basic bodily functions. Eating. Resting when we are tired. Drinking water. Ignoring our pain and discomfort. And, perhaps the one that gets overlooked the most… going to the toilet when we need it.

Nourishing yourself physically is a big one here. Fuelling ourselves sufficiently is not just a ‘nice to do’, it is essential. This is something, that despite knowing exactly how to do it, I still find myself struggling with at times. Under-eating and the impact that has on the nervous system is huge, when we are ‘starved’ it puts our body into a heightened state which will shut down anything other than ‘essential’ systems to keep us alive.

I want to acknowledge that many of us have a complex relationship with food, so this is often a hard thing to do (and please do seek support if you need to with this), but when you zoom out and realise just how much of an impact it can have on your nervous system it provides more motivation to make the effort it takes to change things.

It is in breakfasts that balance our blood sugar levels and provide a steady release of energy. It is in the few minutes of preparing a meal you can have on the go, instead of skipping it all together. It is in lunch that satisfies your hunger, eaten slowly and chewed thoroughly. It is in choosing to sit down and have dinner when the kids are in bed so that you aren’t up and down like a yo-yo meeting their demands and giving yourself indigestion in the process. It is in the simple act of drinking water and hydrating your cells so that they can support you throughout the day.

⋙ It is in the words and ways we speak to ourselves. As cliche as it may sound, self compassion is underrated when it comes to supporting our nervous systems. Imagine for a moment that a ‘friend’ or ‘colleague’ was constantly saying critical, underhand, snipey words to you over, and over again. You would probably class it as bullying.

Your defenses go up. You start to believe what those voices say. You are effectively constantly waiting for that ‘someone’ to be mean to you. When you start to identify these unkind internal voices (and this may be something you need external support with) and understand them, you can start to reframe the narratives.

It is whispering ‘you’ve got this’ as you take a deep breath and handle a challenging situation. It is in understanding that you are human and cannot be perfect. It is in challenging what ‘good’ really means and the stories you have attached to it. It is in being gentle with yourself when you are tired/impatient/touched out/overwhelmed. It is using the words ‘no wonder’ when you react to something you think you ‘shouldn’t’ have. It is in being loving in the expectations you have in yourself, and not being harsh if you don’t meet them.

⋙ It is honouring your personal energy and your unique way of being. When we try and operate in the same way as ‘everyone else’, it often leads to disappointment or a sense of failure. Why can’t we do things the way ‘so and so’ does? The honest answer is that we aren’t supposed to, despite what we may have been lead to believe.

It is not comparing your own experience to another person who may be in a different season of life, in a different body and with a different set of circumstances. It is understanding your human design and accepting that you operate and engage with the world in your own unique way and that doesn’t make you ‘wrong’. It is being honest with yourself about your capacity and the things that you do and don’t have energy for, and not saying YES to things when they are a soul or body-deep NO. It is gaining deeper insight into your own brain and wiring and choosing to see that you were never broken, just born to break the mould.

⋙ It is choosing gentle rhythms over strict routine. Consistency is key when it comes to the nervous system but not necessarily in the way that we have been lead to believe. Small daily rituals anchor us, especially in times of uncertainty, giving ourselves some predictability makes decisions easier and can lead to less overwhelm. But, punishing daily schedules that we feel we ‘should’ be doing do the opposite and often cause MORE stress on our systems.

⋙ It is letting your practices change as your body changes. Making peace with the fact that ten years ago your yoga practice or exercise routine may well have looked radically different to what it does now can soften your own expectations of yourself and lead to less self criticism.

This year it will be ten years since I did my first Yoga Teacher Training and when I began teaching it was all about strong sweaty Vinyasa Flow. It was holding postures until I shook, breathing through it but not backing off. It was handstand practice and deep holds and stretches. It was HIIT workouts and running.

Now it is wiggling through my hips and supporting myself during restorative postures. It is choosing to step on the mat just to lie down instead of ‘work out’. It is daily walks and that being enough most of the time. It is little somatic resets throughout the day over a so-called ‘big release’.

It is choosing softness and acceptance over and over and over again.

When we show up regularly and begin to have an internal dialogue with our body and nervous system there may not be a huge dramatic shift over night, however with daily acts of devotion we can start to build up our inner resources and over time this will have a powerful impact.

This was never about getting rid of our sensitivity but finding ways to acknowledge and understand our own needs and therefore our own actions not becoming another ‘threat’ to an already heightened system.

This is about learning to show up for ourselves and each time we do this, we bring a little sigh of relief to our systems to signal that, no matter what is going on externally, we won’t abandon ourselves any more.

I would love to hear how this lands for you today. If you wish to explore some questions I offer you the following prompts to sit with…

What is your relationship with sensitivity and your own nervous system capacity? How do you perceive ‘being sensitive’?

How are you tending to yourself in the small moments right now? Does that feel enough or is a part of you crying out to be seen and supported?

How can you slowly integrate more moments of showing up for yourself in your daily rhythms? What might that look like for you?

Wishing you a nourishing entry into the week ahead. Please do share your thoughts on this piece in the comments, or reply to me on email if you prefer.

Until next time

Lauren

xxx