The Trap of Expertise

Is it possible that the desire to appear as an expert is a trick we’re playing on ourselves?

I’m gonna be honest: I’ve spent years craving to be seen as an expert. Furiously researching, working behind the scenes, learning, writing, and exploring.

If I’m honest, deep down it wasn’t really for any noble reason like advancing my field or serving people better. Those would be great, sure, throw them in the cart too. What I really wanted (but didn’t want to admit) was validation.

That deliciously crisp feeling of certainty. I wanted to be failure-proof. I thought I needed it to dismiss the anxiety of being imperfect or (gasp*) wrong.

Wanna know what that got me? Tied in knots.

This form of protection caused me to delay, avoid, hesitate. It turned every piece of content into an anxiety spiral of “What if I miss a detail? What if someone disagrees with me? Who told me I was allowed to have an opinion?” Every time I tried to write, insecurity made my points difficult to decipher beneath all the caveats.

What I wanted was the safety of calling myself an expert so that other people would value and respect my opinions (even if I didn’t). I wanted to outsource my value to other people’s opinions. I craved the comfort and certainty of expertise.

I didn’t need to be an expert about everything or even most things. I’m not an arrogant monster! Just some things. A few things. One thing. I’d take being perceived as an expert about one thing. I thought it would buffer me from anxiety and fear.

I wanted to pop out, fully formed, zero risk. Voila, here I am! Believe me!

In hindsight I can see how ridiculous that is, but it made sense at the time. The fear of ‘putting yourself out there’ is real. And in this AI age, people have a right to be skeptical. In fact we all should be skeptics! Relationships are based on time together. Trust builds with repeated experience.

It's unreasonable to expect anything different, faster, more ‘comfortable’.

To build something meaningful that lasts, it takes time to build and strengthen. Trust is earned, and rightfully so.

I wanted the protection that learning cannot provide. I wanted trust I hadn't earned.

And so, here I am, starting from the beginning. Typing actual letters to form words and shaping thoughts instead of asking AI for the most viral construction of my point… “Hey Chat, acting as an expert can you provide me with…”

All thoughts and typos contained here are my own.

If you, too, find yourself hesitating, delaying, trying to buffer your work in the protective gauze of certainty and expertise, may I offer you this…

Seeking to be an expert for your own safety and security doesn’t help the way you think it will. Trying to override imposter syndrome with more education only delays the inevitable; the fear and uncertainty of beginning at the beginning.

Hi, I’m Laura, welcome to the journey. I’m glad you’re here… let’s go together, shall we?