MR GREENSHIELDS

Mr. Greenshields lived in his car

And often parked overnight in the school's carpark

Because he had no petrol money.

Mr. Greenshields was everyone's favourite substitute teacher

But not because he never made a single kid do a single bit of work.

Mr. Greenshields talked to us like we were adults

But this wasn't why we all loved him either

Because he disliked adults as much, if not more so, than he disliked kids.

Mr. Greenshields knew everything about everything

The most knowledgeable man ever to walk the earth

Stephen Fry on crack

Could have been the first to win a million on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire

Without wasting a lifeline

Even though he had more friends to phone than any other contestant ever did

Or did he?

Mr. Greenshields sat at the front of the room

Pencil behind his ear

Studying the Racing Post

“Talk quietly amongst yourselves”

The man had just given us a break from maths

Or geography, or English, or history, or business studies

All subjects he could have educated us on effortlessly

Better than any of the specialised teachers ever could

Hell, he would have taught us Chinese if asked

Mandarin or Cantonese.

No one ever played up for Mr. Greenshields

Not even the bad kids.

The longer the grey hair on Mr Greenshields’ head

The thicker the grey beard

The longer the losing streak.

A haircut and a shave

A win.

An ironed shirt

The man was on a roll.

Eventually I left school

We all did

And five years later

I stood next to Mr. Greenshields

At the window in the bookies

Long grey hair

Thick grey beard

He remembered my name

Asked what I was doing with my life

“Same as you” I said

He smiled for a moment

“Teaching?” he paused … “Or - ?”

Ten years later I saw him again

He didn't need to ask

My uncut hair and thick beard

Told all there was to tell.