How I Stopped Abandoning Myself to Please Others

When my mom transitioned, I started reflecting deeply on the ways she and I had both sacrificed ourselves to make other people happy. I saw how easy it is to lose yourself while trying to be everything for everyone else. You can become so focused on being there for other people that you stop asking yourself what you need. Saying yes can feel easier than disappointing someone. Keeping the peace can feel more important than honoring your own peace. And sometimes, you don’t even realize you’re abandoning yourself because you’ve been doing it for so long that it feels normal

In my season of grief, I made a commitment to myself: I was going to break that cycle. I was going to stop abandoning myself to please others. It hasn’t been easy. I’m still learning. But I’ve discovered that the clearer I become about what I need in each season of my life, the easier it becomes to set boundaries and, more importantly, to honor them.

Because boundaries aren’t just about telling other people what they can or can’t do. They’re also about keeping the promises you make to yourself. They’re about recognizing when your body needs rest, when your mind needs peace, when your emotions need space, when your spirit needs connection, when your relationships need intentionality, when your body needs nourishment and movement and when your future needs you to become more intentional with your resources. Healthy boundaries are about learning to listen to yourself before automatically looking outside yourself for permission.

That’s why my wellbeing rituals have become so important to me. A ritual creates a moment where I can pause and bring my energy and attention back to myself. Instead of immediately asking, “What does everyone else need from me?” I can ask, “What do I need right now?” I can breathe. I can move. I can nourish myself. I can reflect. I can connect. I can create. I can tend to my finances. I can give myself the attention I’ve spent so much time giving to everyone else.

And I’ve realized that choosing myself doesn’t mean I care about other people any less. It doesn’t mean I stop being generous, loving, supportive or available. It means I no longer believe that loving other people requires me to abandon what I know is best for me.

This is what I will be exploring in my next Wellbeing Rituals Masterclass: How I Stopped Abandoning Myself to Please Others.

This masterclass is deeply personal for me because I’m not teaching something I’ve figured out perfectly. I’m sharing something I’m actively practicing. I’ll talk about the ways I’ve recognized self-abandonment in my own life, what changed for me after losing my mom and how becoming more clear about what I need in each season has helped me create stronger boundaries and actually honor them.

We’ll explore the seven areas of wellbeing and how intentional rituals can help you reconnect with yourself in each one. Spiritual wellbeing, emotional wellbeing, mental wellbeing, nutritional wellbeing, physical wellbeing, social wellbeing and financial wellbeing are all connected. When one area is neglected, it can affect the others. When we begin intentionally caring for ourselves across all seven areas, we create a more holistic relationship with our own wellbeing.

During the masterclass, I’ll share the rituals I’ve chosen from each area for September, including Breath Healing for spiritual wellbeing, Transformational Letter Writing for emotional wellbeing, Mirror Affirmations for mental wellbeing, the Supplement Ritual for nutritional wellbeing, the Mile-a-Day Ritual for physical wellbeing, the Find Your Tribe Ritual for social wellbeing and the Financial Design Ritual for financial wellbeing.

But you don’t need to just copy my rituals. I invite you to explore your own copy of Wellbeing Rituals and choose the rituals that resonate with you for this upcoming month. One ritual from each area. Seven rituals that meet you where you are right now. Seven practices that can help you bring your energy and attention back to yourself throughout the month.

The goal isn’t perfection. It’s awareness. It’s practice. It’s learning what happens when you consistently give yourself the same care, attention and consideration that you’ve been so willing to give everyone else. When you miss a day, you return. When life gets busy, you return. When you realize you’ve been giving too much of yourself away, you return. The ritual becomes an invitation to come home to yourself again and again.

I’ll be hosting How I Stopped Abandoning Myself to Please Others live during the Embodied Leadership Experience this Sunday at 7-9 PM EST. We’ll record the masterclass and I’ll share the replay with our paid members here on Substack afterward along with a workbook to help you reflect on the seven areas of wellbeing, choose your rituals and create your own commitment for the upcoming month.

If this speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with someone who needs this reminder, because I know I’m not the only person who has struggled with this. So many of us have learned to measure our worth by how much we can give, how much we can do and how happy we can make everyone around us. But there comes a moment when we have to ask ourselves whether we’re creating a life that feels good to us, too.

You can love people deeply. You can show up for others. You can be generous. You can be supportive. You can care deeply about the people in your life. And you can still choose yourself. You belong first on your own to-do list.

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