It’s been getting harder and harder to get up from my bed for some reason. At the same time, it was getting harder and harder to do the things I usually do, and I usually end up sleeping by the time I get home from school. It’s strange for me since this usually only happens when I’m really stressed out about something. I would have these “panic attacks” (probably isn’t?) where I would breath heavily whilst being paralyzed, glued to the wall or floor.
This time it was different. I didn’t think of anything at all. I don’t have any negative emotions either. And there was nothing different to the things I do on the daily recently as well. It just felt normal. So, it was very confusing.
But, I think that’s actually where everything is wrong. Sure, the state of normality can be a good thing. It can bring out a sense of calm and ease in a situation. But what if things were TOO normal? Normal to the point that the earth just stopped rotating for my existence? Is this what it’s like?
If it is, then, I hate it. It’s because of it that I always know what to expect for the majority of my days. It’s because of it that I could not think of anything that could woo me. As a result, I was no different to that of a cadaver.
It made me think about that one sketch I promised to finish, the novel I wanted to write about, and the book I longed to finish.
Seneca was right, I do suffer more this way :/
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