No Fear New Year

Well, we made it through the holidays. This time of year stirs up many emotions in me. The day after Thanksgiving marked three years since Caden was first diagnosed with AML. No matter what we are doing as a family on that day, or what festivities we are enjoying, my mind always finds itself back inside that hospital room in the Seattle Children’s ICU, replaying the many conversations, signing of paperwork, and emotional exhaustion that consumed me. This time of year, I am hyper aware of the fact that while I am so grateful we are not sitting in a hospital room, there are many families who are. I know full well the struggle of trying to squeeze out some modicum of joy for the sake of your child, while your heart is absolutely shattered. Because of this, I don’t take a single day at home for granted.

Caden sailed through the holiday season, a permanent smile on his face, wearing a Santa hat most days to school through the month of December, reminding me every time I looked at him to be thankful for all that we have.

Mid December, he was able to begin his next round of chemotherapy. He completed five days of intravenous outpatient chemo at Children’s, however, his labs were iffy so his oncology team decided to hold off on starting his chemo pill for a couple weeks. We checked his labs again the day after Christmas, and his team wanted his platelets to be at least 50,000, and they were at 48,000. However, his doctors decided he could start his pill which we did that same day, with plans to recheck labs a few days later to see how his counts were looking. On Tuesday, his platelets had climbed a bit, but his ANC (the body’s ability to fight infections), had dropped by more than half. Because of this, we will check labs again tomorrow. My prayers is that his counts would look stable, so that he will be able to complete the full 14 day treatment, he only has six days to go.

Next up for Caden will be a bone marrow biopsy in January, and we are standing in faith that he will continue to show no evidence of disease. His last biopsy was in September, and  Caden has officially been in remission since May. His team wants him to have completed six rounds of chemo since that time, before he can stop treatment and go to monitoring. After he finishes this (hopefully) 14 days of the chemo pill, he should only need two more rounds, God willing. At that point, we will go to frequent biopsies and monitoring, and the two year clock will start once again. Caden‘s team believes that if he can go two years without the cancer recurring, then he can be considered in remission for life. This is my deepest prayer. When he was first sick and I was posting updates on CaringBridge, someone left a comment for Caden, praying life and longevity over him. I pray this on a daily basis; life and longevity for my Warrior. 

As we enter the new year, my focus is no fear, and while there are many good Bible verses surrounding this idea, the one I am choosing to meditate on is 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power and love and self control.” I am trusting the next 365 days (and beyond), to the one who holds all things in his hands, and who loves us deeper than we can comprehend. Happy No Fear New Year!