Two Dreams, One Marriage (And What It Actually Costs)

Nobody tells you that moving to NYC to support your husband’s startup dream while managing a toddler is actually insane. Or maybe they do, and I just didn’t listen. Six months in, here’s what’s actually happening

I’ve always been the type to chase things that don’t make sense on paper. Exhibit A: modeling. I’m not sure anyone truly believed in my modeling career (including myself). But to all of our surprise I went on to model around the world for 5 years before transitioning into content creation, (Exhibit B.)

When Rahmi told me he wanted to leave his design agency, the one he built from the ground up to start a tech startup, I didn’t hesitate to show my support. I got it. But 6 months into living in NYC while supporting his dream and building mine, with a toddler… I’m learning there’s a difference between being willing to sacrifice and actually living with the cost.

6:30 AM - AJ wakes up

My alarm goes off at 6:30, though if AJ wakes up before I get to her….that’s above me. I get some morning cuddles before Rahmi takes over for a bit. He gets some time with her, then locks himself in the office. I use this window to scroll (yes, my phone addiction is terrible), shower, and if I’m feeling ambitious, work out.

7:30 AM - Emma arrives

We have a nanny 15 hours a week. We’re actually considering day care, but I also don’t want to. (That’s a whole essay on mom guilt I’ll save for later.) I get AJ dressed, do a quick house reset, and Emma arrives at 8 AM.

8:00 AM - 3:00 PM

Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays are my work days. Paid content, planning, meetings, admin. Working for myself, I’ve learned to be intentional about structure. I treat my TikTok like a Fortune 500 company.

3:00 PM- 6:00 PM

This is when I get AJ back. We hit the park, the museum, splash pad. We’ve actually made a friend or two, which feels like a win being so new to the city. But there’s this constant tension: I’m always “on” thinking of my next piece of content, or an unanswered manager email and the 2-year-old tantrums are very real. Last week, AJ was frustrated because I was on my phone while she was trying to show me something. I could see her watching me choose between my phone or staying present.

It’s really hard being pulled in two directions by people who need you, and not being able to fully show up for either.

6:00 PM - 7:00 PM

Rahmi and I split: one of us makes dinner, one does bedtime. It's efficient, it works. We're impressive at this part.

7:00 PM - 10:00 PM

After AJ’s down, we usually have an hour where we actually try to be present with each other. A show, a conversation, some time where we’re not in survival mode. I usually use this time for lots of kisses and cuddles, I’m a physical touch girl so it’s like recharging my battery. Then Rahmi heads back to the office. He works until about 1 AM most nights.

We’re intentional about protecting what we have, but some nights I fall asleep before he gets to bed. We’re making it work, but it’s work.

6 months in I’m seeing a marriage that works because we’re both ambitious, a daughter who’s learning what it looks like to chase something, and a version of myself I’m really proud of.

What I’m not ignoring is the reality: we’re both running on empty and this pace was supposed to be temporary. We both know it might not be.

My hope? Success before burnout. The reality? I chose this path and I’m seeing it through. The real question now is: how do we protect what matters most while building what we’re after?