Dear Reader,
Today, July 1, 2026, there’s a boulder sitting on my heart. But I ran across this post I wrote a couple of years ago to remind myself of who tf I am.
Things will get better. Freedom is calling my name.
October, 2024
I am a whole human, a black woman, mother of three sons, two who are autistic young adults navigating life in this crazy world that seems hell-bent on making life more dangerous than it already is for people with brown skin. I am a wife of 30 years, holding a marriage together with string, paper clips, and maybe a little glue.*
*The glue is deteriorating today. 7/1/26
I am a writer in the midst of the excruciatingly long memoir process. It's difficult to wrap my ADHD brain around pulling all these stories together. Which ones do I include? What do I leave out? I have so many of them written, hanging out everywhere except inside of a book. *
However difficult writing a memoir is, it's also therapeutic. Writing is another layer of therapy, helping me look into all of my cracks and crevices to figure myself out.
*As of today, I’m working on a poetry, chapbook. The memoir is still in progress, but has not been published. 7/1/26
I am here on Substack because I enjoy connecting with writers and readers. I write about life, mothering, healing, self-care, mental health, and the state of the world as I see it.
Raising three sons has been a huge part of my journey and, quite frankly, the heaviest lift. So much so, that who I am as an individual, who I was before I became a mother, disappeared. That girl was damn near erased from memory. I became unrecognizable, a non-priority in my own life.
*Parenting autism doesn’t end when they turn eighteen or move out. My most challenging son is now 30 years-old. He’s finally figuring things out more each day. However, today, I will be attending a goal-setting meeting with the California Regional Center. Because advocacy seems to never end.
In 2020, I began the quest of rediscovery and healing. My husband could see me slowly changing. He didn't like it. Of course, neither did my kids nor my mother, because the change meant I have boundaries, and the answer to everything wasn't "yes." There was no more going along to get along. My body physically would no longer allow me to accept the status quo.
Him -“I miss the woman who I married.”
Me- “That b*sh been gone a long time ago.”
I should have added, ya’ll killed her.
One of the many weird things I do is change the words in my bio for this publication, like every other week, because as I walk down the road of self-reflection and discovery, who I am is constantly evolving.
Writing a memoir makes you look at your entire life to figure out how you arrived where you are.
What decisions did I make to turn into the person who disappeared inside of marriage and motherhood? And who tf am I now!?
I am figuring that out more each day.
I could have stayed stuck in the choices I made to give myself away while raising my children, but at a certain point, I realized no one was coming to save me. I had to save myself.
Now that I'm awake, my intention is to live fully, with purpose, not fear. I want to do things even when I'm anxious or scared because, chances are, whatever it is, it won't kill me. I mean, if these kids haven't killed me yet, I can probably live through anything.
I don't want to keep my world small. I can not continue letting life happen to me. That's not who I am. That's what I became when I fell asleep at the wheel.
I'm awake now! I want to drive myself everywhere I want to go, or at least be able to pay for an Uber when I’m too old and can't see how to drive at night.
By the way, I have no problem being a solo passenger. Anyone who can't add positive energy to my experience, can stay home.
Part of my therapy work has involved examining choices I made when my priority was everyone else.
That's what we're not gonna do no more!
What “Hard Things” in your life deserve celebration this week?
Nothing is too small to celebrate.
I will cheer you on, and hopefully this growing community will do the same.
Thank you for being here and reading my work. If this post moved you in any way, please consider becoming a paid subscriber.
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