reading taste, horses, the paths not taken, and why I am opting out of an "academic" career

This is such a challenging question because I find joy and fulfillment in a great number of things: being around animals, reading a book which I find unexpected, eating a decadent meal with my partner, crafting a sentence or paragraph which feels like it captures the essence of my imagination or scholarship in its entirety.

I used to think fulfillment looked like constant improvement. A continuous striving to be “better”, “stronger”, “smarter”, or more “capable”. I used to work myself to the bone in the pursuit of “more". I found this deeply satisfying. The self-improvement, especially as an athlete made me feel worthy. However, 8+ years after having hung up my helmet to pursue education, I find fulfillment in much smaller things. I value intention and appreciating the moment far more. It’s partly why I do a “weekly reset” ever Sunday.

Each week I sit down with pen and paper to reflect on the week and I ask myself the question: “if nothing changed, would I be happy?”

And for much of my life I would have said “mostly” but now I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I am living a happy, contented existence where I do feel fulfilled.

It isn’t because of a list of achievements or a perfectly dialed in routine. It truly comes down to an action. The determination to be grateful, to be present, and to still see light beyond the horizon.

I don’t recall precisely what stories or experiences led me to my fascination with history. It has been such an integral thread which has been woven throughout my lifespan. What led me to study history, however, The Thomas Jefferson Hour Podcast (more recently rebranded to Listening to America), Founding Brothers & American Sage by Joseph Ellis, and The Hemingses of Monticello by Annette Gordon-Reed which reignited my interest in early America while I saw still working full time as a professional horse rider/trainer.

I always had a rather patriotic, romantic view of the American Revolution and the supposed ideals of American democracy which emerged in the late 18th century. I never questioned how these ideals necessitated exploitation of enslaved labor, indigenous removal and the denial of their sovereignty, or the denial of democratic personhood for women. It was at age 20, during the turmoil of the 2016 election that my eyes were blown wide open. It was my naiveté that led me to fall in love with history and my desire for truth to critique it.

There is an old superstition in the show jumping/hunter jumper world that if you change a horse’s name, it will bring bad luck. Now, I believe this primarily applies to the “show name” aka their registered name on their passport + national registration paperwork but I also apply this to their “barn name”.

Their were two instances throughout my career where I have worked with a horse that had a name change, in both cases I ended up in the hospital 😅

So call me a quack but I am not messing with names haha. They name they come with will be the name they stay with (regardless of how silly).

I feel as though I have lived 3-4 different lives already in my 30 years on this planet:

1. Professional Hunter/Jumper Rider & Trainer

2. Bio-tech medical device regulatory consultant

3. Humanities scholar

If I had to choose a completely divergent path, however, I would have loved to work in the media and education space, primarily for an organization like PBS or HistoryHit to produce educational documentaries. Or maybe in publishing as a historical fiction editor or literary agent?

My greatest disappointment is that we have one lifetime in which to explore all of our passions. This is why I am such a strong believer in portfolio careers and pivoting as new paths emerge. That’s not to say I take every open door as an invitation but I invite new opportunities and evaluate if its worth exploring.

I’ve spoken with my partner about this on occasion and I simply don’t foresee a reality in which I would move back to the states. I have a much more contented way of life in the UK (less cost of living, more affordable healthcare, better care for animals, etc) and despite being a true lover of America, I don’t currently see a reality in which an opportunity would be great enough to get me to move back.

I would, however, love to visit more often (1-2/year isn’t enough).

As I discussed in last week’s article “are universities still worth fighting for?”, there just simply is not enough security in academia for emerging scholars at the moment. Postings are limited and the demand is no longer coupled with the same securities academia once offered. I can produce better scholarship and be more engaged in public facing work by working at the intersection of media and academia.

I haven’t given up on the path entirely. I think universities will bounce back if they are willing to change and address the fundamental, structural issues which led to these challenges in the first place. And if they do, I would gladly love to teach and continue my scholarly research from within.

And everything from Paper Republic

Eclectic! I read primarily historical fiction, historical fiction, and contemporary literary fiction but I dabble often in fantasy, romance, etc. I am a believer in not just reading in my comfort zone but also challenging what I “like” because I often observe that those who say the “don’t like” a genre, simply haven’t read enough within it. All genres have books that will not suit me or you but we should still be willing to explore.