“Not many people can truthfully assert that they love everybody. Most of us must admit that we have loved but a few; that we have been quite indifferent to the many. As for the remainder—well, we have really disliked or hated them.
“We A.A.’s find we need something much better than this in order to keep our balance. The idea that we can be possessively loving of a few, can ignore the many, and can continue to fear or hate anybody at all, has to be abandoned, if only a little at a time.
“We can try to stop making unreasonable demands upon those we love. We can show kindness where we had formerly shown none. With those we dislike we can at least begin to practice justice and courtesy, perhaps going out of our way at times to understand and help them.”
-As Bill Sees It p. 230
“…asking each morning that our Creator show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness, and love.”
-Alcoholics Anonymous p. 83
I was lucky enough to travel to Georgia a couple of weeks ago on vacation. I got to experience incredible love and joy. I went to meetings in a small city in middle Georgia and met A.A.’s who were welcoming and kind. Their hearts were full of love. I got to tour towns and cities in different parts of Georgia, taking day trips, exploring Catholic churches, including a Basilica in Savannah where I attended noon mass. I got to experience driving in terrible rain where I could not see anything out of my windshield, praying and trusting in God to get me through. I got to live—really live—this life in sobriety, keeping a very open mind and exploring something new.
This has been a theme to my life in the past few years; ever since I decided to start really living my life. I have traveled every year, sometimes with friends and sometimes alone. I have taken chances with my heart, experiencing all of the highs and lows that come with love and heartbreak. I have taken chances with work, taking a simple job at a farm stand and at a farm that have challenged my body but have fed my spirit in sincere ways. In short, I have given myself a wonderful life full of love and choices. But I had to give this life to myself—no one else was going to do it for me.
Not everyone has approved of my lifestyle change. Before 2023, I was pretty much the obedient little A.A. who followed all of the rules and did what I was told. I didn’t dare color outside of the lines. Because what had precipitated this change began back in 2020 when I started viewing the program of Alcoholics Anonymous differently. I started really studying my Big Book, I began to write about my experience, strength, and hope, publishing two books that are very Big Book centered, and I began to listen to incredible teachers in this program: Mark Houston, Joe Hawk, Chris and Miles Raymer, and Charlie and Katie Parker, to name just a few. My world began changing. My view of alcoholism and recovery from alcoholism changed.
Then my Al-Anon program changed as well. In February 2024, I started going to a lot more meetings, and I mean A LOT. I used to go to just 2 meetings a week. In February of that year I hit a bottom in emotional sobriety and just made a decision. I dove into both programs and attended meetings almost daily. People really got to know me in both programs. I started sharing a message of hope and sobriety from the Big Book. Being busy with a full-time job, helping my adult son, and my extensive work with sponsees were no excuse: I attended daily meetings. Then I found my current Al-Anon group, Steps 2 Serenity, out of a resentment I had towards a different Al-Anon meeting that did not like that I ever mentioned I was alcoholic.
Steps 2 Serenity and the Big Book approach to Al-Anon changed the trajectory of my recovery once and for all. They follow the PPG (Primary Purpose Group) way of steps from the Big Book. Actually, all of the speakers and teachers I had been listening to had been PPG A.A.’s, I just wasn’t aware of it. I was always attracted to this very fundamental style of Alcoholics Anonymous, and now I had it in my Al-Anon program as well. It’s a good thing, too, because I am both a chronic alcoholic as well as a chronic alanonic. What that means is that I need this level of recovery not only to survive, but to live this life successfully and purposefully.
Going through this process again, this time in Al-Anon, has made me wiser, sure. But what it has really done is made me a kinder and gentler person in the programs. I have real tolerance of others. I love—without expectation or thinking I need to change anyone. I can just love people today exactly where they are, with hands off. I am much more patient. I know that time takes time. Not everyone learns in the program at the same pace. Why have I changed in my ability to do these things? To love, to have patience, to be kinder, and to be tolerant? Because it is not me doing it. I don’t and have never had the power to be this kind of person—only God does. Today I rely on His power for my entire life. My entire being. Everything I am and every gracious moment I exhibit comes from the one source called God. Of myself I am nothing—the Father doeth the work. And I trust my Father today. He takes care of everything.
When I am not constantly in fear, I am free to love. When I know God has everything in hand, I can be more tolerant and kind. When I am not racing ahead, trying to force outcomes, I can experience patience.
God is the power. God is the reason everything has changed. I have the exciting and crazy life I have today because of this power. And this power, and the incredible life that goes with it, is available to every one of us.
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