The Moment I Saw How Suffering Is Created

(photo taken at Amitabha Stupa and Peace Park in Sedona, Arizona)

Years ago, during a Vipassana meditation retreat, I was introduced to a teaching that completely changed the way I relate to suffering.

The teacher explained that much of our suffering unfolds through a very natural sequence of experience:

Contact → Feeling → Perception → Reaction

At first it sounded almost too simple. But over time, as I began observing my own mind more closely, I realized how profound this insight actually is.

Rather than something mysterious or abstract, suffering often arises through a process that happens moment by moment through our habitual reactions to experience.

Understanding this process doesn’t eliminate feelings or emotions.

But it reveals something incredibly important:

There is a small space where freedom becomes possible.

This sequence unfolds constantly in daily life.

Contact happens when one of the senses meets something in the world — a sight, sound, smell, taste, sensation, or thought.

From that contact, a feeling tone arises. This feeling is usually one of three types:

• Pleasant

• Unpleasant

• Neutral

Almost immediately, the mind begins to interpret the experience. This is perception — the mental labeling or story about what is happening.

Then comes reaction.

If the feeling is pleasant, the mind often moves toward craving — wanting more of it.

If the feeling is unpleasant, the mind moves toward aversion — wanting it to go away.

If the feeling is neutral, the mind tends to ignore it — not pay attention to it.

This entire process often happens so quickly that we rarely notice the individual steps. But when we begin observing it carefully, something remarkable becomes visible. We start to see that the suffering is not coming from the experience itself.

It is coming from the reaction.

Not long after learning this teaching, I had a moment that made it vividly clear.

I was walking through a Native American market filled with beautiful hand-woven clothing. Suddenly I saw a jacket that caught my eye.

Immediately, I felt a pleasant sensation arise. The mind quickly labeled it: “I like this jacket.”

Then the next step appeared — a strong desire to have it.

I want it.
I should buy it.
This would be great to own.

And in that moment, I saw the entire chain unfold in real time.

Just seconds earlier I had been completely content, not needing anything.

Then my eyes made contact with the jacket.

A pleasant feeling appeared.

The mind formed a perception — I like this.

Then came reaction — craving.

Seeing this so clearly for the first time made me laugh.

I stood there noticing how strong the urge was to buy it. Instead of immediately reacting, I paused, took a breath, and simply acknowledged the feeling. Then I chose to keep walking.

Now, it would also have been perfectly fine to buy the jacket. The important point wasn’t the decision itself. The important point was that the choice came from awareness, not from automatic impulse.

The same chain reaction happens with unpleasant experiences.

Imagine finding a big spider in your room. For many people, the moment the eye makes contact with the spider, an unpleasant feeling arises in the body.

Then the mind quickly adds its story:

“I hate spiders.”
“They’re creepy.”
“They scare me.”

From there, aversion appears — fear, tension, or the impulse to kill the spider.

The spider itself may simply be sitting quietly on the wall. But through this chain of contact, feeling, perception, and reaction, the experience becomes something much bigger.

The mind tightens around it. Fear appears. Resistance grows. The spider is no longer just a small creature — it has become a problem created by the mind’s interpretation.

Meditation practice helps us see this process more clearly.

When awareness is present, something subtle becomes visible.

There is the sight of the spider.
There is the unpleasant sensation in the body.
There are thoughts about spiders.

And there is awareness that knows all of this.

Instead of being completely lost in the reaction, we begin to see the experience as it unfolds.

This doesn’t mean we suddenly have to like spiders. It simply means the reaction is no longer unconscious. There is space around it.

And in that space, we are free to respond more wisely — perhaps gently moving the spider outside, or simply walking away.

The spider itself was never the real problem. The unconscious reaction was.

The most important place to observe this process is the moment between feeling and reaction.

Right after a pleasant or unpleasant sensation arises, the mind usually moves immediately toward grasping or resisting. But when awareness is present, we can pause there.

Just for a moment.

We feel the sensation without immediately pushing it away or trying to hold onto it. And in that pause, something new becomes possible.

As Viktor Frankl famously wrote:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

The Buddha described this process in terms of feeling and reaction. Viktor Frankl spoke of stimulus and response.

Both point to the same discovery: there is a space between what happens and how we respond.

In that space, instead of reacting automatically, we can begin to respond consciously. Over time, this simple shift can transform how we relate to life.

Today, you might try observing this process in your own experience.

Perhaps someone says something that irritates you. Perhaps something doesn’t go the way you hoped. Perhaps a worry arises about work, money, or relationships.

If you look closely, you may notice the same sequence unfolding.

First there is contact — a message, a situation, a sensation.

Then comes feeling — pleasant or unpleasant.

Then the mind creates its story about the experience.

And finally, the reaction appears.

There’s no need to judge yourself for reacting. This process is natural and happens for all of us. The invitation is simply to begin seeing it.

Because once the process becomes visible, something important changes. Instead of being completely carried away by the reaction, awareness creates a little space.

And in that space, a new possibility appears.

The possibility of meeting life with more clarity, openness, and freedom.