Reading · From the Ground Down & Up

I woke up this morning and was in sharp clarity in my body of our collective’s next evolutionary step.

Being in and navigating the unknown together…

Empowering the couples…

Escaping the prison of monogamy…

De-privatizing the couples…

I noticed I’m missing some kid of matrix, because when I was on that wave, visioning, and seeing our collective unfolding and taking huge leaps, then I thought of one specific person of our group, all the clarity fell through.

I lost sense of where I was and the clarity I was holding, specially around navigating the unknown.

When this happened, my matrix stoped holding the consciousness I was working with, and instead it fell through, soaked me, I forgot it, I lost the words.

Image generated by Alan Shurafa and AI that shows how distinctions build matrix that is able to hold more consciousness.

Ahhh. This person in the collective must be missing some matrix. AND, I’m also missing some matrix.

I decided to use my scanner this morning to see what matrix this person is missing.

You can do this too, by asking
—What matrix or distinction is [their name] missing?

I sat with this question for a bit, but not too long because I didn’t want the mind to take over, I wanted all my bodies to answer.

He’s missing the experience of the delight that it is to be in the unknown, to be liquid with others in the unknown, discovering step-by-step what is the next move without freaking out, recoiling back, into survival programming.
Survival is the default programming we created in childhood to survive. That program still runs in adulthood unless thoroughly dismantled and rebuilt.

I kept asking —What is he missing to be in the unknown?

He’s missing his self worth, his value, the truth of what he really is, and not what he has been told he is. He knows this with his big head and his mad electrified curly hair, but his other bodies don’t know this at a deep collective visceral level.

I asked more —What is the matrix, the distinctions he is missing that he can’t catch this form of consciousness? What keeps him clinging to his survival strategy?

But a more relevant question came —How is this person blocking the possibility for our collective to evolve, to grow, and to experience more love-happening?

He is lone wolfing it. Meaning that deep inside, he still believes, his orientation is that the only way to make it in life is alone. That no matter how nice and great community and teamship sounds, it is not possible, it is not real, it is not a possibility for him or for this group.
It is not possible for his survival strategy to relax, to create a gap where he can surrender and just be. But not “just be and fall asleep”, which is another kind of fantasy where you’ll finally get to relax and everything is ok.
I’m talking about yellow stuff and experiencing yellow stuff with others, AND that experiencing yellow stuff is a possibility as a way of living and not just a once in a lifetime or once in a while experience.

Yeah, all this clarity I have for this person, is clarity for me, this is also matrix and distinctions that I’m missing.

I’m in a fantasy world with my partner, because I have very little access to yellow stuff with her, and instead I choose to be in survival, scared that mommy is going to punish me, I contract and I make myself a victim of her feelings and emotions and I’m justified to persecute her when she doesn’t allow me to rescue her.

These are the old rattling parts of an old shell that once sustained my life, but that it’s now rendered useless and no longer sustains my life.

Authentic adulthood is here and I’m here for it.

By the way, I joined a 12-steps VA’s weekly meeting because I’m addicted to violence. As nice as I’d like to think I am, and as good I want you to think I am, I’m almost constantly playing out one of the roles of the Low Drama triangle: Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer. These roles are intrinsically an act of violence against myself and/or others that perpetuate the cycle of violence.
I’m committing to being in this program for 3 months. If you’re on a similar path, being trapped in a loop of a pattern you can’t break, I invite you to join me in the journey.
Check out the meeting times here: https://violenceanonymous.org/index.php/meetings/

Last week, our collective of 4 families + others built over 5 days a beautiful cob oven at one of our friend’s place. Follow the story here.

Building a cob oven a full village weaving event.

We, as a collective, are at a threshold for more LOVE happening. How am I blocking more love happening in our collective? in my partnership? in my family?

When you’re in the survival channel, you’re blocking yourself and your people from experiencing more love.

What are the distinctions you, your people and your team space are missing to experience yellow stuff?

This would lead the your next initiation.

As I was finishing writing this morning, I heard this meme:

ANGER IS BAD

That meme still lives somewhere deep within me and in the field that I’m working.

But, it’s Anger (Conscious Anger, not unconscious anger, or reactive anger, or child/adolescent anger, or Gremlin anger) the thing that weaves and the thing that holds stuff, it’s the energy to protect, to create boundaries, it’s your life force.

You cannot get rid of Anger. Anger is not something to get rid of. That would be like saying how do you get rid of fire. Fire is fire. Anger is Anger. Fire can burn. Anger can hurt. That doesn’t make fire or anger, positive or negative.

Your Anger is either used unconsciously to control, manipulate, beat yourself up, blame, judge, or it’s used consciously to create, to hold, to protect what you care about.

I invite you to join my next space where we’ll introduce key EXPERIENTIAL distinctions to start using Anger consciously to start over and being in service to life and your purpose.

Leave a comment, a question you have about anger, and I’ll send you the link with details and registration.

The Pain of Missing Matrix

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