"The Generations Project: Connecting Past and Present" is a personal exploration of birth experiences across generations. It begins with my own birthing story, from the perspective of my mother. She recounts her own birth in 1962 via Cesarean, her childhood health struggles, and her eventual decision not to have children—a decision that was later reversed. The story continues with my mother’s detailed account of my birth in 1987, including challenges and her resolution to avoid pain relief during delivery.
Generational trauma often resides at a subconscious level, deeply rooted within our bodies. I'm acutely aware of its presence, and I believe that the pursuit of healing can only be beneficial even though I don´t feel it impacts me in my daily life. My aspiration is for this healing process to extend to my daughter, Skye, and future generations, breaking the cycle.
This fear of being controlled manifests in my strong need for personal control. I find discomfort when I'm not in charge. On the flip side, it sometimes compels me to exert control over others and their actions. Furthermore, I tend to keep a tight rein on myself, often shying away from the spotlight, fearing repression.
To clarify, I haven't personally experienced instances of repression, at least not in a way that I would label as such. Nevertheless, I've consistently felt the need to downplay myself. I'm not one to seek the limelight or dominate conversations. During my childhood, family members would jest about my tendency to talk too much, which was ironic because I often remained silent. As I matured, I discovered my voice and can engage in lengthy conversations when the opportunity arises. However, in group settings, I tend to withdraw, striving not to draw too much attention or overshadow others. I consciously aim to minimize any undue focus on myself.
My awareness of this tendency heightened during a client project when I partnered with a more experienced colleague. They repeatedly explained things in detail, ensuring everyone understood, even though we were well into the project. I never had the impression that they felt inappropriate or that the room would not appreciate it. This experience taught me the importance of ensuring clarity for others, rather than assuming they'd remember past discussions.
I've always been struck by how some individuals confidently share their achievements and personal journeys. I've felt compelled to adopt a more modest demeanor, almost downplaying my own successes, as if they simply happened to me.
Even now, I feel the urge to swiftly reach the conclusion and make my point, feeling that I may be consuming too much of your time with my words. But let me go on.
I also distinctly remember that I never took the last piece of food at dinner; I always allowed others to go first. This wasn't because I believed I was worth less than others but rather stemmed from my deep desire for peace. I preferred to avoid conflicts and discussions whenever possible. And let me tell you, I have witnessed grand emotions over that last piece of cheese or Pizza.
This tendency aligns with the characteristics of a Manifestor—balancing between anger and peace, with the ultimate goal of achieving peace. Going along with expectations can make one invisible and, in turn, unburdened by the fear of repression.
Before discovering Human Design, which is now roughly 1 year ago, I rarely consciously experienced anger. I generally considered myself a content and happy person, unfazed by minor irritations. However, since acknowledging and embracing my occasional anger, I've found it to be a potent force for change. It compels me to speak up, be honest, and take a new direction. It empowers me to pursue my interests, regardless of others' opinions.
I've finally discovered the ability to be authentic, powerful, and impactful. I intent to live life to the fullest.
Ultimately, this realization led me to embark on a new career as a Doula and to create this Substack account.
How do these things relate to each other?
Children, the future generation, form the foundation of what's to come. Facilitating a positive start for the next generation, one birth at a time, is the most significant impact I can make.
So, what's next? I'm excited to begin my Doula training this Friday, eager to acquire new knowledge.
I am so excited to share a project, I have been brooding on, that I call “the Generations Project” for now. I'll start by exploring my birthing experience with my daughter, Skye, followed by an exploration of my own birth. I've invited my mother to share her experiences with me (and with you!) Unfortunately, her mother has passed away, but I'm speaking with my father's mother to gain insight into his birth, too.
Interestingly, I've never really delved into the details of my own birth before. I've only known the broad strokes: "We went to the hospital at 7, I was already 9 cm dilated, and before we knew it, you were born." I've never asked about the emotions, the room's atmosphere, events at home, the car ride, my mother's sense of control during the birthing process, or her preparations.
I'm eager to learn these stories and establish connections between generations. I aim to share these experiences with you, encouraging you to ask similar questions of your mothers and grandmothers, if possible. And share them back with the community. Much power lies in the intergenerational stories we pass down, and it wouldn't surprise me if birthing experiences are among them.
I welcome your thoughts and look forward to continuing this project with the birthing experience of my daughter, Skye very soon.
With love, Johanna
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