When you consider a particular person, do you look for reasons to think less of that person or do you look for reasons to think more of that person?
In a podcast (A Bit of Optimism), Simon Sinek interviewed leadership expert Don Yaeger. At one point, Yaeger said:
Know that there are people out there looking for reasons think less of someone.
Some people seem to constantly critique and always be looking for a reason to think of someone as “less than.” I remember doing this once with a church leader who frustrated me. I constantly looked for reasons to think less of this person. And of course, I found plenty of reasons.
If I have already decided in advance that I don’t like someone, it is much easier me to find reasons to think less of them. However, if I look for what is good, I am often more likely to find reasons to appreciate that person.
When I meet someone for the first time, I want to look for a reason to value that person. I want to look for what is good, noble, and right about a person. This has a lot to do with my own mindset and attitude.
Whatever I am looking for, I am liable to find. So, what if I were to begin more conversations intentionally looking for something I might appreciate and value?
(Perhaps this prayer might bless you today.)
May your heart, soul, and body be ablaze with a passion to serve others in the name of Christ.
May you find strength and perseverance in the challenging moments of life and ministry.
May you find courage in the face of adversity, discouragement, and attacks by the evil one.
May the Spirit give you the power to say “no” to the seductive temptations that might enter your heart.
May you find compassion to feel for the struggle of others.
May you be able to look beyond your own difficulties to come alongside others and be helpful in the challenges they face.
May your life honor the name of the Lord.
May the Lord bless you and keep you, may He make his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you. May the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace (Numbers 6:24-26).
There are many questions you and I may grapple with at one time or another. For some these questions might include:
How can I be successful?
How can I buy what I want?
How can my family live the kind of life that other families seem to live? (Often these are families that may be more financially affluent.)
For some people, the question seems to be, “How can I have more?” Yet, “more” is often a trap. For some, it may be more money, a nicer car, a newer model, an elaborate vacation, etc. Yet, this focus on “more” can enlarge the envy in my heart and become a motivation for regular overspending. It can rob us of our peace, our joy, and our contentment.
I recall a season early in our marriage when I seemed always have my eye on something else. Within a few weeks of graduating with the Doctor of Ministry degree, I said to Charlotte, “What if I were to go to law school?” She looked at me and asked a question I have never forgotten:
“When are we going to finally be happy”
(I don’t have to explain to you that the “we” in her question meant “me.”)
Yet, the most significant question that I can ask myself is not how can I get more or achieve something else. Rather, the question is:
What kind of person do I want to be?
What kind of man/woman, what kind of married/single person, what kind of father/mother do I want to be?
To sharpen this some - “What kind of person is God calling me to be?” (I Peter 2:9; Eph. 1:4; 4:1; Rom. 8:29-31)
As a part of this, I might ask, “What are a few small changes that I might make that would begin to move me in this direction?”
You and I prepare ourselves to shepherd by cultivating our hearts, the place where wisdom and character are formed and shaped. This requires being attentive to your own soul.
Shepherding is not a technique, nor can it be reduced to a formal role. One can be in a formal role labeled “shepherd” and still not be shepherding.
We shepherd by first being fully present in Christ with another person. Out of our presence with Christ, we serve and bless that person. We are not simply dispensing information. Rather, we make ourselves vulnerable and step into another’s life.
Out of such a heart, we have the opportunity to function in a shepherding role with people whom God brings our way. Perhaps this begins with the opportunity I have as a parent to shepherd my own children. Those of us who serve churches (whether in formal roles or simply as a part of the body of Christ) will have plenty of opportunities to shepherd. Hopefully, we will allow others to shepherd us as well.
Maybe this begins as we simply learn to pay attention to another. More specifically, we do the following:
We guide. (What is the most important thing to you as you consider how to move ahead?)
We challenge. (At this stage in your journey, what do you need to learn next?)
We encourage. (As you project yourself forward, what do you want to be known for?)
With intentionality, we shepherd a person or a group in a variety of ways. Yet, we are only able to do this by the grace of God and by being attentive to our own hearts and minds.
See “Is Hurry the Great Enemy of Spiritual Life?” The Atlantic, Nancy Walecki (April 18, 2026). A review of John Mark Comer’s book and thinking. Note this paragraph from the article:
In that book, Comer advances the theory that the great enemy of spiritual life is hurry. By this he means not simply busyness: Hurry is a gnawing sense that there is always more to do; a life spent hurtling oneself through each day; a schedule that makes little room for God. Technology has only exacerbated the problem. Comer calls the modern world “a virtual conspiracy against the interior life,” and urges readers to reclaim their focus from the algorithm and shift it toward God.
I just re-read Brain Glazer’s book, A Curious Mind Expanded Edition: The Secret to a Bigger Life. I listened to the original edition a few years ago and now have read this expanded version. Such a good reminder of the value of curiosity in conversations.
See “Why Great Leaders Ask Questions” by Deb Peppard. (A guest post written in Bob Tiede’s regular newsletter.)
I formerly served as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. Prior to this, I served as a minister in various congregations for 36 years.
Much of my time is spent in conversation with ministers and other church leaders. I do mentor/coaching each week. I continue to teach and preach in various congregations by request.
I am a husband, father, and grandfather. One of my favorite things to do is to come alongside another person and encourage her or him.
My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging. — Jim Martin
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