Once you’ve learned to ride a bike, usually you don’t forget.
I was about twelve years old when I bought a bike at the Sears Roebuck outlet store on Buckner Boulevard in Dallas. This “outlet store” was a smaller Sears store with some appliances, tools, and bikes. This bike allowed me to ride, with my friends, all over the Pleasant Grove area (Dallas) and explore. In those days, the one warning from my mother was that I not be late for supper. I will never forgot those years or that bike.
Likewise, there are some basic practices with people, learned long ago, that I don’t want to forget.
Say “thank you” to other people. Did someone refill my ice tea? Did someone else hold the door open for me? Saying “thank you” and expressing gratitude to others are still important.
Consider the interests of others, not just my own concerns, problems, etc. Some people talk on and on about their own problems, their concerns, and their hardships and never really seem to consider that their friend has challenges as well. This person may perceive that everyone else’s life is so much easier than their own.
Be civil, listen intently, and focus on understanding another person’s point of view. Perhaps you have been in a conversation where the other person talked about a concern while you attempted to listen well. You may have even asked a clarifying question or two. Then you attempted to express your point of view. The person interrupted before you could finish your first sentence and said abruptly, “There is no way that will work!” I don’t want to be the person who is known for being curt and abrupt when someone else attempts to give their point of view.
What would you add to these three? What are some behaviors with others that you want to always remember?
My wife, Charlotte, taught school for many years. She primarily taught elementary school though she did teach in several other settings. These settings include a school with many migrant children in west Texas, a Jewish school in Memphis, Tn., and a community college in Kansas City, Mo.
She taught in several elementary schools in Waco, Texas where we lived for 20 years. One day, I came to one of these elementary schools to deliver an item that Charlotte needed. On my way to her classroom, I could hear a teacher yelling loudly at her students as some made their way to the restroom.
I asked Charlotte about this loud yelling. She said, “Generally speaking, some teachers do this when they do not know what to do with their kids. So, they resort to yelling.”
It might be worth asking yourself, “What is my default when I don’t know what to do?” Is my default to worry, to stay really busy, or to fuss at others? For some people, their default might be to get on Amazon and impulsively order items whether they need them or not.
My own default is to stay very, very busy when I don’t know what to do. I rationalize that I may not know what to do but I am busy. Yet resorting to these defaults is not always helpful.
Sometimes what is needed is a break, or to seek the advice from another, or even to pause and consider your options. Yet, sometimes, instead of reflecting on what might we best, we simply resort to a default.
When you don’t know what to do, when you are stressed, what is your default?
I have journaled for many years. I’m really not sure why I began this practice. However, these journals (several boxes of them) in some way address the question, “What was it like (in the past) to be me?” Or, I can read my present journal and ask, “What is it like to be me - right now?”
Of course, I don’t expect for you to really care or even have an interest in these questions about me. Once I die, I suspect my family, as a whole, will not have a keen interest in reading these journals. Maybe a person or two in my family might read a few journals but for the most part, everyone will have enough going on in their own lives.
On the other hand, these journals are helpful to me at times in remembering what is was like to be me at certain points in my life.
There are times when I want to remember again:
What was it like to be me when I was a young husband/father with very small children?
What was it like to be me when life and ministry were very hard?”
What was it like to be me when my children were in high school and college?”
As I read these pages, I remember again my blunders, my failure, and my sin. I also remember the grace of God, his faithfulness, and the resilience given me so that I could carry on with life. Sometimes, reading through these pages gives me a clearer perspective my life today.
What about you?
What has it been like to be you during some of the most formative times of your life?
What is it like to be you? - right now.
What do you need from God, given the challenge or opportunity you are facing right now?
One reality about being a minister or church leader: This is hard work that requires grit, tenderness, and stamina.
This grit, tenderness, and stamina can be enhanced by a commitment to continuous learning.
I am reading David Novak’s How Leaders Learn. In the introduction of the book, Novak speaks about a model of learning (p. 4):
They learn from anybody and any experience that has something new, interesting, or valuable to offer.
They learn to maintain an open, curious mind and positive relationships (because we learn the most from and with other people).
And they learn by doing the things that need doing or that will make the biggest difference.
Of course, Christian people continue to learn from God, spiritual reflection, and years of walking in step with the Spirit. Again, it really helps if we as church leaders are committed to continuous learning.
If you are a church leader, how can paying attention to Novak’s model help to move you forward this year?
I have just started two books: Terry Cook’s Lead, Develop, Care and David Novak’s How Leaders Learn.
See Kyle Strobel - “Fueling Failure and Ministry” (April 6, 2026 - Substack)
Carlus Gupton has written a very good article - “Leading Above the Noise: Church Leadership in a Polarized Age”
On the need for clarity regarding one’s purpose. Roman philosopher and statesman Seneca: “If you do not know which port you are seeking, no wind is favorable.” — Source: Letters to Lucilius (Epistle 71).
”I love this video regarding Nasa Astronaut Viktor Glover (Pilot - Artemis 2)
I formerly served as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. Prior to this, I served as a minister in various congregations for 36 years.
Much of my time is spent in conversation with ministers and other church leaders. I do mentor/coaching each week. I continue to teach and preach in various congregations by request.
I am a husband, father, and grandfather. One of my favorite things to do is to come alongside another person and encourage her or him.
My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging. — Jim Martin
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