On being enough.

Seconds into writing this, I’ve got Shania Twain playing in my head. I gotta give it to her, though, it’s a catchy song. Bamm, bam-banna-na, bam. Let’s go girls.

You’re welcome.

I’ve had this post in my head for some time, but the urge to get it out really struck me last week after going to an awards event that honored some of the most incredible women right here in my community.

Before I say something controversial, let me be very clear: I fully believe events that are designed to celebrate, educate and empower women aren’t just important, they are necessary.

Period. No erasies.

But sometimes… these events can be a little… (I hate this word but it feels like the best option right now) triggering. Almost as if we’re handing each other a beautiful balloon with invisible weight tied to the bottom.

I’ll explain.

The beauty of women’s events is that they are typically intended to promote one to several women, who are doing something well, and wish to either share that with others or be recognized for it. YES! Yes to this! And the reason we do this is because we have to. We have to push and push, because despite representing half of the population (51%!) we do not currently represent half the opportunities. Or seats at leadership tables (29%). Let’s not talk salaries. 👀 Hey, I’m not whining, I’m just sharing information. These are real things we see happening, while also trying to stay motivated, ok Chad? (I don’t actually know a Chad, that just felt funny to me.)

And while we’re working through those facts, for those of us who want or need to work, many of us are also managing our homes and families. Again - not complaining - it is what it is. It’s how our beautiful brains work! These are nurturing traits of love and compassion that we’ve been given, and I truly am grateful for it. But sometimes it’s heavy to carry all of it. You can use a little pep in your step from time to time. A breakfast or happy hour with the ladies to remind you just how amazing you are, and that we truly hold up the sky.

So, back to this recent event and the women being honored. Let me just say, “impressive” doesn’t even come close. You should have seen the resumes. All different ages, races, backgrounds, one doing more remarkable things than the next. Not just philanthropic endeavors, either. Marathon runners. Figure skaters. Thespians. Mothers, sisters, aunts, daughters, hikers, bikers and church leaders. Talk about well-rounded. Actually, it was the opposite of well-rounded, it was more like a chest of laser-cut diamonds with so many facets it was hard to look directly at them. Brilliant. Shining. Inspiring.

There I sat, clapping and smiling for my very accomplished sisters, and my first thought, naturally, was - what the heck is wrong with me?

As I stared at this Marvel superhero bench of wonder women (yes, I know she’s DC, stay with me), I allowed the wave of comparison to swell and crash all over me.

My tiny little Jess sandcastle felt insignificant compared to their masterpiece sand-resorts they’d built. It was defenseless against this tidal force.

WHY? WHY DO WE DO THIS? Yes, all-caps needed.

Why do we take these moments of celebration and accomplishment and immediately should all over ourselves.

I should have worked harder. I should have had kids earlier. I should have taken that promotion. I should have volunteered more. I should have worked less. I should have told that boss he can’t talk to me that way. I should have asked for the title I wanted. I should have made more time for myself. I should take up Tai-Kwan-Do. I should have more letters after my name. I should have more LinkedIn followers. Holy should.

And for me, I think it all comes down to that idea of “enough.” Am I doing enough? Dreaming enough? Am I enough?

Yes, that old chestnut. Here’s where it gets fun, the answer I’ve come to realize is yes… but also, no. Yes, in that I matter. I matter a great deal. To my family, my friends, my clients, my community, to God - and when I show up and lovinging offer the gifts I’ve been given, it’s more than enough!

But that “no”, though. When you really sit with that beautiful, imperfect “no”- it is so freeing. The realization that I am not, nor will I ever in this life, be perfect. Not happening. That “enough”, the way we think of it, it really just a lie to keep us questioning our worth. And let me tell you something - YOU ARE WORTHY. Worthy of love, joy, celebration, achievements, forgiveness, friendship, opportunities, self-care, rest, vacations, dessert, a break, family, I could go on. Worthy → enough. One will beget the other. Because again - neither one is in your control. Isn’t that great?

In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and his will. (Ephesians 1:5) We are enough because we are His.

So how do we get off this ride? I have thoughts. For starters, we start speaking the truth, out loud, as often as possible. To ourselves. To each other. Louder than the lies and the doubts. Giving ourselves permission to be complex and live in both places. The grace and the mess. Gratitude and humility. Willing to be celebrated, but also to be vulnerable. To remember that most people are only showing us a tiny sliver of the beautiful mosaic that makes up their lives, and it’s not just the pretty parts that make them magic. Perpetuating that lie isn’t helping anyone. Especially ourselves.

We have to live our lives outside of the grids of social media, and remember that everyone on instagram isn’t perfect, everyone on LinkedIn isn’t an expert, and everyone on Substack isn’t a genius. Present company excluded. wink

We have to remember that someone’s accomplishment doesn’t have to = our own failure. We know that math isn’t mathing! I tell my friends this. All the time. They tell me this. But we forget. We forget that we’re all made uniquely (gratitude) and and imperfectly (humility).

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not be afraid; you are far more valuable than many sparrows. (Luke 12:7)

It’s our responsibility to remind each other of this. This is our superpower as women. Let’s use it for good.

And what’s really lovely, is that the older I get, the less I feel that pressure to be the most anything other than me. Who God made me to be. Intentionally designed from the inside out. Who am I to question that? Eyes that now need reading glasses. Forehead wrinkles starting to make their presence known. C-section scars that will never lay perfectly flat. All of it. It’s all part of who I was designed to be and grow into. And it’s a privilege. Worthy, not perfect.

So after the event ended, and the inspiring honorees departed, awards in hand, I shared this feeling with a small group I was standing with, and you know what? It felt really good to say it out loud. It opened up a conversation that we were all having in our own heads, and ended in some really kind words and reminders that we’re all on different paths and one woman’s marathon is another women’s “I got dinner on the table tonight before 8pm.” And that’s cool, babe.

When I got home, my little girls were waiting for me. They wanted to hear how the night was, and my youngest said, “mommy, did you get an award?” And I said, “I’m looking at them.”

And then I tripped over a laundry basket of folded clothes that have been sitting for a week.