Everyday Mattering

I have a new favourite necklace. It’s not a Cartier or Bvlgari piece. It’s from a gift shop in Banff, which my son bought for me, unprompted, on his trip out west. I love it because it shows he was thinking of me when he was away. I mattered. I know I matter to my kids in a long-term, big picture way, but in the empty nest season it’s nice to have some concrete evidence now and then.

I’ve focused a lot of mattering over the past few months since I’ve been re-reading Jennifer Breheny Wallace’s book, Mattering. I needed to buy a gift and went to Putti, the magical shop in Rosedale/Summerhill filled with gift cards and little luxuries. I feel like I’m in Paris or ABC Carpet and Home in the 90s and it’s divine at Christmas. As soon as you walk in, you feel your business matters even if you are just buying a card. Linda is lovely and Vi is an absolutely scream and I never leave there without laughing. Their instagram game is strong too.

I will continue to think there is hope for humanity as long as there are little free libraries. People are always tending to this one on our extended dog walking route, which is so lovely. I took this photo at the start of our dog walk and by the time we finished, half the books were gone.

My ob/gyn is a particular rock star. We are trying to get my prescriptions right to avoid further endometriosis surgery and I think we might be there. It’s nice to feel like the doctor who operates on you is invested in your health and sees you a real person. We chat about everything from underfunded women’s medicine (grrrr) to traveling with young kids. (My hot tip is to make everything into the Amazing Race. We did the Louvre in 90 minutes when my kids were young.) I always feel like I matter when I’m there.

Teddy, our 9 year-old Cairn Terrier, needed his annual vaccines and I was hesitating taking him back to the glossy local clinic that’s part of Big Vet. In the past, I felt that he got good care but was steered towards expensive treatments. I have an inside line on no-nonsense ex-horse vet who has set up shop in a grittier part of town and was thinking of making the switch. I mentioned to the glossy vet that Teddy’s behaviour continues to worsen and he took the time to really listen. He asked me a bunch of questions and looked at his history and examined him and determined he has the early stages of Canine Cognitive Dysfunction, which is basically doggy dementia. I must admit I was shocked as I’d first heard of the condition last month and I thought someone was having me on. But, no, it’s real. I was a bit verklempt: I lost my mom to dementia 11 months ago and now Teddy has it? What a year.

I explained that I am no longer into canine bio-hacking. I was on that path with our beagle and never again. We were prolonging my comfort, not hers. Now, I’m about quality of life. There are some protocols we can entertain but they are very expensive and have very mixed results. We are trying one well-tested medication to make him less anxious, and shelving everything else in favour of giving him a happy little life. He can now eat his favourite food and walk to sniff things, not burn calories. It was sad news but I felt so supported, which made all the difference. I felt like Teddy mattered and that I mattered too. I’m hoping he has a few more quality years in him but regardless, I feel that he’s in good hands.

This month, I’m also trying to show others they matter. I’m chattier on errands. I’m more openly grateful for good service. If I see a neighbour, I stop for a catch-up in the park.

How have you noticed mattering in your life? How can you create more of it?

Xx Jen