Greetings from Brooklyn. It’s me, Jen Glantz. Here are 17 things I’m very bad at. These lists are super fun and therapeutic to make. Have you tried one? Let me know :)
Nope. This is a very bad idea. The last time I tried this, I was standing outside a Zara on the phone with a friend I’ve had since high school, telling them I felt like they hadn’t been a good friend. People Pleaser Jennifer Glantz had never said anything like that to anyone in her life, but I guess the high of fast fashion really got my bowels moving and my confidence going.
There was absolutely no coming back from that moment. Every day after that, I just felt like they knew I was upset with them and our friendship was never the same. Even when they were being a good friend and I’d say, thank you for being there, I could feel this imaginary footnote hanging in the air: BUT REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME YOU WEREN’T.
I’d rather swallow the entire issue like I’m trying to digest spicy rocks and then go home and let the acid reflux of it all make me cry into a pillow.
One of my best friends (not the same friend) has a policy where when she feels like something is off or she’s upset with someone, she just says something. To be that fearless! To not worry that the person will hate you, leave you, tell everyone you’re difficult, and then somehow get custody of all the mutual friends. I think about this every single day. I want to be like this.
But I don’t know if I’m emotionally built to handle it. And so I’m upset with so many people in my life and they’re all walking around thinking we’re having a wonderful time.
Sports! Okay, now that we got that out of the way.
I can forgive. I can also forget. I just can’t seem to do them at the same time. I’ll forgive you on Tuesday and then on Thursday remember exactly what you did, where we were, what you were wearing, and one additional detail that makes me mad all over again. Then I’m back to spiraling in the shower arguing with you and you’re not even there.
I don’t hold grudges. I hold receipts. And unfortunately, my memory, and my emotional bookkeeping, are rock-freaking-solid.
Or Sunday. It feels so final. I’m nervous I’ll make the wrong decision and then the day will be ruined.
Is this hard for anyone else? Feeding myself is genuinely one of my biggest struggles. I can feed my dog! I can feed my child! DoorDash feeds my husband! But watch me try to feed myself and you’d think I landed from Neptune five minutes ago and someone pointed me toward a kitchen.
I could happily eat the same three things for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the rest of my life. But at 38, I’m realizing that having a PB&J for lunch every single day is less of a meal plan and more of a crrrrry for help spread between two slices of gluten-free bread.
The shelf life of anything in my apartment is very short. Walk through the front door and just know that being tossed in the trash or dropped into the donation bin is likely to happen much sooner than it should. I’m talking to you: toys, books, clothes, tchotchkes.
I’m going to admit something that’s going to make me sound like a monster. My first thought when someone gives me a physical birthday gift is: This is going to take up spaaaace. And now I have to keep it foreverrr. But how long is foreverrr when you live in a tiny New York City apartment??
I should delete that paragraph. I’ll keep it.
I LOVE GIFTS!!!
But bigger is not better for a girlie whose anxiety climbs to the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro when she sees clutter. Give me something edible. Take me on an adventure. Give me something digital. Give me a candle I can burn down to NOTHING. That’s my love language, baby.
I do have a keepsake box. I’m not a total monster! I save cards, letters, little sentimental things. But there is one box. One box.
A therapist once told me I have more emotions than most people :) :) I took that as a compliment and immediately added it to my elevator pitch. Hi, I’m Jen Glantz! An author, entrepreneur, and a real treat of a person who has more emotions than most people.
BUT with more emotions comes having way more enthusiasm than situations actually require. You’ll tell me a mediocre business idea and I’ll be like, OMG THAT IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA. I genuinely think it’s genius and YOU are the perfect person to do this. And I’ll keep going until all of the saliva has left my mouth.
The problem is: I mean it. I really am that excited for you. But apparently when you’re that enthusiastic, people assume you’re being fake. I’m not fake! You could tell me you’re thinking about reorganizing your sock drawer and I’d be like, This is SUCH an exciting next chapter for you.
Nope. Not for me. Won’t catch me cuddled on a couch of snuggling in bed. It’s currently 6:45am on a Saturday. I am dressed and ready to report to the world. I have given Adam and Gemma strict instructions to follow my lead and be at the front door in 15-minutes. They both are exhausted by this life I curate for them.
Relaxing to me is no sleep, bus, club, another club, another club, plane.
I’m usually too nervous about whether or not a person is going to like me to form the right words when I meet someone for the first time. Adam is Mr. First Impression. I’m Mrs. Get to Know Me and I’ll Wine and Dine You into Forever Friendship.
Just not my vibe. I do care but I’m really a speed daemon with everything in life, including writing. Spell check hates to see me open a blank word doc.
To be a Jen Glantz friend is to know that if you want information out of me you have to knock three times, do a twirl, shimmy to the left, then the right, then the front, then the back….
And then, and only then, will I give you a third of what is really going on.
It’s hard for me to open up or lean on people with my problems. I don’t like doing it. I rarely do it.
I think the reasons are that I’m scared I’m going to come off as too much and my number one secret to getting people to like me is to never be too much and I’m scared they won’t say anything back and it will just be awkward and I’ll regret telling them what I just said.
Your girl is just not the girl to text: Want to do a workout class and then get a matcha on Saturday? I’d love to do that with you, but 99% of the time, I’m sitting here waiting for you to text me…because (see above) rejection…yeah, I’m soo scared of rejection.
Art. Building furniture. Waiting for my computer to restart. Trusting any sort of process. Trust the process. Well, maybe the process is broken and needs someone to nag the sh*t out of it to make it go faster. Speed up!
If I’ve met you before, even once, and walk right by you on the street it’s not because I don’t like you, I love you, I’m just really bad at recalling faces, even when that face is right in front of me.
Go ahead, ask my darling parents about the time they bought me a brand new car (my dream car!!!) and three weeks later, I drove it inside the house. I’m not being dramatic. I really mean inside of the house. Like the front of the car was inside of the house. Yes, the house. No, not the garage. I had made it inside the garage and there was no stopping me from there until the car was inside of the house.
Ah. I don’t like endings. I don’t like saying goodbye. I just need to leave. Or carry on the conversation for a really annoyingly long time until the person grabs their crotch and announces that they have to pee. And even then I’m like, Should I wait right here and we can carry on after?
I don’t say goodbye on the phone either. I say, Love ya. And then I just hang up.
I don’t want to end this newsletter but I think it’s the right thing to do, so….
One more thing!!
At that exact moment, I’ll twist the convo away from how weird the weather was this summer and ask you what recurring dream you have, what you think it means, and whether your childhood has anything to do with it,.
Okay, that’s all, I love you.
Take care of yourself this week (ilysm).
This book has on my want list for a while. Have you read it?
This purse snack of the week is a combo of Pirates Booty and Cheetos —- but way healthier!
It’s a great morning get ready song.
Got this for my outside patio and it’s sooo comfy and weatherproof. If we had room in our apartment, we’d get another for indoors too.
Molly Beck and I started a fun new show called A Business Meeting where we report the best and most important business news stories of the day. Check out the show (and watch us live!!) here.
Going to the gym hasn’t been a priority of mine this summer and I’m not talking nasty to myself about that. But I do crave lifting weights. I looo0ove being strong. These 10 minute workout videos, that you can do from home with a pair of weights, have been really great.
I get sore from doing them and feel sooo accomplished after finishing one.
I’m a writer, entrepreneur, professional bridesmaid (yes, that’s a real job), and Brooklyn mom who has been oversharing on the internet for more than a decade!
I write about the things we’re all trying to figure out: work, relationships, money, motherhood, getting older, starting over, and all the awkward stuff in between.
You’ll also find weird life experiments, things I’m loving, and whatever is currently taking up too much space in my brain.
I’m here to make your Monday a little lighter, more interesting, and less lonely.
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