Hiding creates a world where you must hide

We humans spend a depressing amount of time hiding who we are. We can do this either by adding traits we don’t have or concealing traits we do. When it comes to our personalities, this is often a good thing. By pretending to be, say, kinder than we are and hiding, say, our anger, we become better people. Virtue becomes habit and habit becomes nature. But when it comes to hiding our political, religious or cultural beliefs things are not so fortunate.

The big problem with hiding our opinions is that it creates a world where we have to hide. This may lead to a vicious circle, where hiding leads to problems that we deal with by more hiding. Or more correctly, do not deal with. Consider the old farce of someone praising the terrible cooking of a friend, which only encourages more terrible cooking.

By keeping silent about our opinions, we give free range to the people who do not keep silent about theirs. Since they are the only ones making noise, they win by default. And they are unlikely to be the people with the wisest opinion.

This may intimidate regular people. Since the radicals are making all the noise, normal people will start believing that they are abnormal, creating a “silent majority”. This may even affect the radicals, who will convince themselves that they are more numerous than they really are, encouraging them to be even louder. But ultimately, the bubble will burst. Sometimes, this surprises everyone involved.

In recent years, the best example of this phenomenon is Brexit, Donald Trump and the decline of wokeness. These have often come as a surprise to people on the left. In large part, this is because so few people shared their opinions with them that they never realized how many people disagreed with them.

But examples are everywhere. Historically, it can be seen in revolutions and in the sudden collapses of tyrannical regimes throughout history, from France in 1789 to the Eastern Bloc in 1989. Since regimes suppress dissent, they conceal both from themselves and from their peoples how hated they are.

Such regimes are fragile – they could collapse like a house of cards tomorrow. But all too often, they last decades. They are safe as long as the vicious circle of hiding remains unbroken. The regimes will defend those circles with great brutality, as it is a matter of life and death for them. This brutality is the very definition of tyranny, and that is why we respect freedom fighters and democracy activists for facing that brutality.

But the same phenomenon also exists on a much smaller scale, in the social circles of regular people. Too many people live their lives as if walking on eggshells, afraid of offending friends, family, coworkers, or even distant acquaintances on social media. But this ensures that we will keep being surrounded by people who would be offended or turn on us if they knew what we really thought.

There is a simple solution. Just speak up about what you believe. People will be angry, and people will attack you, yes, but not as many people as you think. Probably. Most people won’t care, and a few will like it. And once those who cannot accept you are gone, the ones who are left will be those who can accept you. Eventually, you will be surrounded not by strangers, but by people who know you and like you anyway. In other words, by friends.

So go ahead, speak up about your belief in the flat earth, or that climate change is true/false, or that you are a wrestling fan, that you don’t like dogs, or that vaccination is for suckers, or whatever. Be a contrarian.

Through truth we create the community we want to live in.