My toxic relationship with work

A little note before we begin…

If you’ve just found your way to my Substack, welcome! If you’re having a moment of déjà vu, no, you’re not seeing things.

The behind-the-scenes reality check

There’s one thing that’s annoyed me about launching this Substack: I don’t have a bank of content sitting here yet. So when I point people this way, I’m painfully aware they land on a page that’s giving… crickets (not the vibe I was going for tbh)

So I’ve decided to fix that the honest way. Over the next week or so I’m uploading some of my favourite editions of A Letter to My Readers. It’s my monthly series where I basically use this newsletter as free therapy and take you behind the scenes of the highs, the lows, the wins and the losses of working for myself.

If you’ve never read these, you’re about to see them pop up (enjoy!) If you’ve read them before, then no, you’re not going mad, they’re repeat editions. I just want to bulk this place out a little so it feels like the home it’s going to be.

Right, let’s get on with it. 🖤

I’m in a toxic relationship with work.

A lot of you have probably seen my daily schedules on my Instagram stories and assumed I’ve really got my sh*t together.

If you haven’t, let me paint you a picture. They look something like this:

Would it surprise you, then, to know that I actually have a terrible relationship with work? That I literally count the number of hours I work each day to make sure I’ve done ‘enough’? That if I fall short of this completely made-up idea of ‘enough,’ I guilt-trip myself for the rest of the day?

To explain how this all started, I need to take you back a few years.

My last office job was as an Account Director at a sponsorship and partnership marketing agency. I worked there for over three years, and for the most part, I loved it. But there was one big problem: I was constantly overworked.

I’d start early and finish late every single day. During busy periods, I’d even work weekends.

“Why are they working me so hard?” I’d constantly ask myself. “This isn’t fair! I should be getting paid overtime!”

When I finally decided to quit and work for myself full-time, I was excited by the prospect of FINALLY achieving a work-life balance. I could work when I wanted, from wherever I wanted... What a dream, right?

So imagine my surprise when my work hours actually got longer, not shorter.

By week three of solopreneurship, I noticed I was working insane hours. I chalked it up to teething problems. But by month four, I was still working 12-hour days. Fast forward three years, and I’m still struggling with work-life balance.

The problem wasn’t my old job, or my boss, or corporate life. The problem was, and still is, me.

I am, unfortunately, a victim of millennial hustle culture.

I’ve always wanted to be successful, and I grew up in a world where success was synonymous with being a workaholic. The image of a “successful businesswoman” I idolised was one I’d absorbed from pop culture: always on her phone, jet-setting from country to country, perpetually ‘busy.’ It all seemed so glamorous — until you actually live it.

Fast forward to today, and I’ve tried every time management trick in the book to make myself more efficient. My favourite? Time blocking, where you divide your day into specific chunks of time dedicated to particular tasks (if you’ve never tried it, it’s a game changer). I even schedule my weekends now — yes, I know, textbook Type-A behaviour.

After years of trial and error, I’ve finally managed to bring my average workday down to nine hours (a huge improvement from the 12-hour marathons of my early solopreneur days). So, problem solved? Not quite.

Now, I obsessively analyse each workday to see if I’ve been ‘productive enough’ or put in enough hours to deem myself worthy of success.

It’s as though I’ve internalised this warped idea of what a successful person’s day looks like, probably shaped by years of consuming media where busyness equals worthiness.

I know this mindset is toxic. That’s why I’m writing about it.

This email series is my version of therapy (granted, it’s far less expensive, but let’s be honest, not all that effective).

Normally, I’d share a story about how I failed at something, then tell you what I did to fix it. But the truth is, this is one challenge I haven’t cracked yet. I’m working on it, though. And rest assured, when I finally master the elusive work-life balance, you’ll be the first to know.

Until then, I’m committing to capping my work hours at nine per day and reminding myself to enjoy life guilt-free outside of that time. If you’re reading this and struggling with work-life balance, know that you’re not alone, and there’s no quick fix.

However, recognising that something needs to change is the vital first step — and it’s the most important one. You’re already on the path to a more balanced life, and that’s worth celebrating. We’ll get there eventually, I promise!

​Thanks for reading this month’s edition of my new series, A Letter to my Readers, I hope you found value in it!

Speak soon 🖤

Jade