Is Happiness A Choice?

What if happiness isn’t something you find—but something you practice?

Most of us spend our lives chasing happiness. We think it’s somewhere ahead of us—waiting in achievement, approval, or the next version of ourselves.

But even when we get there… that critical voice is still there.

Telling us it’s not enough.
Telling us we’re not enough.

So what if the problem isn’t where we’re going,
but how we’re living along the way?

How We Practice Happiness

Abraham Lincoln once said that we are only as happy as we make up our minds to be. While I don’t believe we can be happy all the time (after all, the beauty of life comes from its contrasts, and the highs are meaningful because we’ve lived through the lows), I do believe we play a role in our own happiness.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.

In her book The Artist’s Way, which I’m currently rereading, Julia Cameron writes about creativity as a source of energy, meaning, and joy. Not because of the outcome, but because of the act itself.

I’ve found that to be true in my own life.

When I’m writing or creating art, something shifts. I feel lighter. More open. More connected—to myself, and to something greater. Call it God, Spirit, Source, whatever language feels right to you.

But creativity doesn’t come quietly.

It often arrives with a voice.

That’s not good enough.
You’ll never get it.
Who do you think you are? Don’t even try—it’s too hard.

I call this voice Abusive Brain Chatter™, and it has a way of trying to shut down anything that might bring us joy.

I saw this clearly when I recently took a jewelry-making course in Guanajuato, Mexico. The instructor hosts students from all over the world, and I happened to live less than a mile away, so I signed up.

For three days, I made silver rings, earrings, and a pendant. And something unexpected happened: while I was creating, my usual worries quieted down.

Well…mostly.

That voice still showed up in small ways.

But this time, I responded differently.

I told myself: I’m here to learn.

Instead of judging every mistake, I decided to treat the entire experience as practice. Not performance. Not proof of anything. Just learning.

And that changed everything.

What could have been frustrating became enjoyable. Even the mistakes felt like part of the process. And I realized something simple but important: I could choose how I experienced it.

I could choose to be kind to myself.

And in doing that, I made space for happiness.

Gratitude works in a similar way.

Happiness isn’t something we stumble upon—it’s something we practice. And gratitude is one of the most direct ways to shift how we experience our lives.

Research supports this: people who regularly practice gratitude report higher levels of happiness. It makes sense. When we actively notice what’s good, we start to see more of it.

A simple exercise: write down seven things you’re grateful for. Then, each day for a week, remove one. What remains will show you what matters most.

Because happiness isn’t just about feeling good, it’s about living in alignment with what you value.

And then there’s acceptance.

This one is harder.

Acceptance doesn’t mean agreement. It means seeing things as they are, without resistance. Because when we resist reality, whether it’s a person, a situation, or an outcome, we create resentment. And resentment leaves very little room for anything else.

I learned this through a painful experience with a close family member. I felt hurt, angry, betrayed. And for a while, I carried that with me.

But I also knew I couldn’t hold onto it without it costing me something.

So I made a decision: to accept them as they are, even if I didn’t agree. To stop trying to change what I couldn’t control.

That shift didn’t happen overnight. But as I let go of the resentment, something opened.

I felt lighter. Freer.

More at peace.

And eventually, I was able to feel genuine happiness for them again.

Which brings me back to Lincoln’s idea.

Maybe happiness isn’t something we control completely, but it is something we participate in.

Through creativity.
Through gratitude.
Through acceptance.

Through the way we speak to ourselves.

So if you’re not feeling happy, ask yourself “Why?¨

And then ask a better question:

What can I practice today that might move me closer to it?

Let me know how you practice happiness?

Share

Leave a comment