For many people, Thanksgiving is a delightful holiday spent with family and friends. We celebrate, enjoy good food, drink fine wine, and play games. Sounds good, right?
But for others, it can be a painful time that brings up old core beliefs like “I’m not good enough.” After all, many of our core beliefs start in our family. Jealousy can also rear its ugly head: “They have a better life than I do,” “My brother makes more money,” or “My sister looks thinner and prettier than me.” Feelings of aloneness can get triggered too—“I’m unlovable.” These thoughts can activate Abusive Brain Chatter™, and we often turn to overindulgence in food or alcohol to quiet it. Unfortunately, that can send us into a shame spiral for days.
My own Thanksgivings were so overindulgent that we would spend the entire afternoon eating, only for more food to appear. Even as I complained about how full I was, my food addiction was out of control. I would keep eating, especially when conversations got emotional or turned on me.
Eventually, I learned how to not just survive the holidays, but to actually enjoy Thanksgiving without my Abusive Brain Chatter. Here are some helpful tips for you:
Bring colored pencils and a coloring book. Doodling and drawing can help shut off your chatter. Art-making has been shown to lower cortisol levels, calm the nervous system, and create space for clarity, emotional release, and inner stillness (Kaimal, Ray, & Muniz, 2016; Kabat-Zinn, 2003). In this way, drawing becomes more than a creative act—it becomes a pathway to quieting your chatter and feeling grounded in the present.
Bring a jar of Play-Doh or clay. Clay has a physical, hands-on quality that makes it different from drawing or painting. You can squeeze it, roll it, shape it, or break it apart. These actions can release tension and help regulate emotions during moments of overwhelm. Studies also suggest that molding clay can increase feelings of control and help people process tough emotions in a safe, nonverbal way (Koch, 2017).
Focus on others. Choose one person to get to know better. Ask them questions. Learn what’s going on in their life. Look for ways you can support them. Or, my favorite is to play with the children present. Share your colored pencils and draw a picture with them.
Be of service. Clear the table, do the dishes, empty the trash, or help the hostess in any way you can. Small acts of service shift your attention outward and reduce inner noise.
Pause and breathe. Inhale through your nose for four counts—hold for seven—exhale through your mouth for eight. Repeat at least three times. Slow, controlled breathing has been shown to activate the vagus nerve, triggering the body’s relaxation response and reducing stress. You can do this at the table or slip into another room for a moment of peace. (The bathroom is often a perfect quiet spot!
Don’t let Abusive Brain Chatter™ stand in the way of enjoying precious time with family during the holidays. Remember: you are enough just the way you are. You don’t need to overspend, overeat, overdrink, or believe negative thoughts this year. Instead, be grateful for who you are and what you have. And as always, avoid politics and religion—stick to topics that bring joy, laughter, and love
Let me know if these tips helped you this holiday season.
For more tips on taming Abusive Brain Chatter™ pick up a copy of my book. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FZDBRGL9#
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