The loneliness of choosing yourself.

The original meaning of the word ‘belonging’ meant ‘to go along with, to properly relate to’. When we do work to really understand ourselves more - what our values are - isn’t it actually typical to find that in many places, about many things, we may not belong?

This has certainly been my experience. It has required me to ask myself what I am willing to compromise on. I have found that I am willing to forgive many mistakes that I and other people make - as long as there is accountability. When accountability is swapped for blame, I’m out, because I am not going to hustle for someone else’s humility.

I have spent too many conversations trying to make others see where I need them to take accountability. Doing harm to others I think is actually an inevitable part of life because our values are different. This acknowledgement can be the bedrock of a deepening of a relationship, not an abandonment of it.

I saw something on social media this week that has really stuck with me. It was just a line of what someone said, they stated, ‘Predators aren’t looking for weak people, they are looking for compliant people.’

There’s the rub.

How are you, or have you been challenged with this dilemma? Either: feel like you belong through small acts of compliance - a decision to stay silent, a decision to dress a certain way. Or act according to your values, even though that may mean you are effectively self selecting possible isolation. But isolating yourself from such situations is choosing yourself.

This is the space of change makers. Change makers do not care about their reputation, they care about their character. You often find that true change makers often have a terrible reputation! Because they are refusing to comply with a harmful status quo.

And that refusal - that choosing of character over compliance, of self over status quo - can be one of the loneliest places to stand.

Alone
Aching heart.
Untold stories sit,
Looking for an outlet.
Tentatively, entering the room, watches
As people freely share their worries,
Mistakes made met in the messy middle
With sympathetic solidarity. Those who dare, baring bruises,
Begetting a blossoming bravery, starting with a stalling stutter.
Togetherness. One simple word begins the weaving of a world.

Your Prompt:

Where is that room for you? A room where you feel like you belong because your values are seen, honoured and celebrated.

On this note, my Permission to Feel Lonely course is a first step in understanding yourself more - what you’re carrying, what you’re longing for, and what belonging might actually look like for you.

You can find it here.

Jacky ✨