WHAT HAPPENED IN MAY AND JUNE?

In May, I turned 22 and in June, I:

-had my first breakdown at work

-learnt that I victim-blame and I’m not bold

-actively started saying ‘’NO’’

-went for V6

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Let’s go through my June based on lessons learnt.

I have somewhat become desensitized to certain things. I believe due to past experiences, I don’t know how to react or regulate my emotions. I think I cry too easily and sometimes, I don’t cry at all. It really has been obvious ever since I started work, and my circle has increased its perimeter.

Looking back at the scenario where I broke down, crying was a valid reaction. However, I believe I shouldn’t have permitted the actions of an external individual to have such a huge destabilizing effect on my day.

Victim blaming occurs when the victim of a crime, accident, or abuse is held entirely or partially responsible for what happened to them.

As for victim blaming, I am the victim, and somehow, in between explanations of thought processes, my friends pointed out how I often try to find reasons to justify the actions of the perpetrator and thus minimize my reactions to it.

‘’Oh, I understand that’s my fault. That’s why they acted this way.’’

‘’Because I did this, that’s why they said this.’’

It further buttresses the people-pleasing allegations I have. I’ve become so understanding that I try to break down people’s actions so in the end, all accusing fingers are in my direction. I wonder why I do that. There’s no benefit in it for me.

From now on, I’ll remind myself: people’s actions are their actions.

June was like a mirror for me. I was forced to notice some ill traits I possess.

I was working with Paediatric patients. Amazing demographic to be around. I learnt a lot, mostly how a child’s responses can give you insight into how they were raised. There were outspoken children, and I learnt from them.

It is right to speak up.

It is wrong that, in the process of instilling morals in children, parents teach them to be afraid, thereby making them into dummies who cannot speak for themselves. I’d say to an extent my lecturers in university did that to me. Those unspoken threats of meeting you in the exam hall or being bullied by lecturers used to make a lot of wrong actions go unchecked. And I’m saying uni because in secondary school, I could question authority without being scared that some teacher would deduct my mark. I never thought of these things in primary school when I had to report my teacher for using the F- word on us. But now,I have to censor my words before speaking, which makes most of my opinions seem like a plea, like uncertain statements gathered together with the hope of not upsetting anyone.

There are ways to question authority without appearing rude.

This fear of being picked on or being an outcast for expressing oneself has followed me into my profession. I’m constantly being urged to speak up or express myself when I’m uncomfortable with something.

Hopefully it sticks in my head that it’s fine to speak up.

When it comes to saying no, I have an issue. But in June, it felt like a film was taken off my eyes and the light bulb in my brain switched on with the idea ‘’I CAN JUST SAY NO.’’

So, I started saying no. I don’t want this for myself? NO. This makes me uncomfortable? NO. Human beings breathing?NO.

And the best part is, I don’t owe anyone an explanation, and even if I do, my no is no. My no is a circular boundary I have set up, and whoever chooses to break it down is seen as an enemy. I do not take kindly to such folk. I watched a beautiful video on saying no on the internet, saying no and learning to accept no. I believe a lot of people will benefit from it because, oh my God, people don’t understand those two letters as small as they are.

Moving on,

I went for V6.

V6, the Sixth Sense, curated by The Group Collective, is a premier beachfront electronic music and cultural experience in Lagos . It was an immersive, 20-hour non-stop rave that brings together thousands of ravers, artists, and music lovers to celebrate Afro House, 3Step, and Afro Tech on the sand.

IT WAS AMAZING.

I had a strenous day as i was on call that Saturday, so V6 was me substituting my bed rest time to dance away stress.

Trauma is stored in the hips; that’s why Congolese people in the diaspora are happy (I don’t know what I’m saying). Please remember the people in Congo suffering.

Raves are spiritual to me. V6 is the third rave I have been to, and I can attest that dancing to loud music at high frequencies helps to usher me through a productive portal. I always have renewed energy after a rave. Maybe it’s due to the release of oxytocin, endorphins, and dopamine from multiple people, something about neurochemistry perfectly occurring in that period.

These feelings can be likened to what you feel during a worship session in church. Stress relieving ,making you feel lighter or have more clarity on life afterwards. I don’t feel productive after worship sessions, though. I put that there so you can understand close to what I feel at raves

After my first rave with Group Therapy, I took the bold step to start posting on social media(SM). It was something I had been procrastinating, but somehow after dancing, i found myself creating a lot.

During V6, I had a conscious awakening. I thought to myself at some point when I was dancing with my eyes closed, floating away in music.

‘’ I CAN HAVE IT ALL’’

I can excel in all aspects of my life. I can be the best in my profession and still be the best on the dance floor. I definitely do not have to shrink one aspect of my life just so I appear more serious because, in the end, that’ll be me living my life for others.

It’s my life. Why do I have to care about others’ perception of my life?

My mind has always known this, all thanks to the beautiful and daring online personalities I follow on SM. I am very grateful to the women who have been termed wayward for not conforming. SM is a great tool for exposure, and I’m grateful I have it.

I CAN HAVE IT, AND I WILL HAVE IT ALL.

After V6, my mind finally agreed to keeping my room clean. Instead of being messy, I use the 5-minute or 2-minute rule to keep me in check.

Do it now and rest later.

The only con about this is it doesn’t recognize fatigue. Hopefully, I learn to navigate that.

Media I consumed in June 2026:

I continued watching Supernatural, The Sheep Detectives, Am I OK?, Is God Is,Your Fault: London, Uptown Girls, My Oxford Year and Every Year After. Some YT video essays too. Click here to see my two sentence reviews.

I listened to episodes on Rotten Mango, the whole documentary on McKenzie Shirella’s murder case, and Chapell Roan’s The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess.

I read newsletters on Substack. I started reading a book, but I didn’t complete it.

That’s all from me now. I hope you have a wonderful July.