Vulgarity in My Head

Interviewer: Would you like to introduce yourself, so the listeners know who is speaking and what to expect?

Stranger: Hi, my name is Inspiration. I come in bizarre ways.

Interviewer: GIRL *rolls her eyes*. Okay, Inspiration. Are you some mini personality of Tochi, or are you a reason she should be bound in a straightjacket?

Inspiration: I am the first option. A part of the creator. I’m this tiny voice in her head that is constantly thinking “oh this sounds good; I should write more on it,” or “I definitely can do this floral makeup look”. I’m the one constantly producing ideas type shii.

Interviewer: How come you haven’t provided any idea that could generate money for the creator?

Inspiration: Shut your smart ass up! We’re working on something.

Interviewer: Hmm, sure. So why did you choose to name this piece “Vulgarity in my head”?

Inspiration: Well, words have meaning. I named it “Vulgarity in my head” to prepare the reader’s mind. Vulgarity because it’ll involve themes related to sex, drugs… Y’know, all of that stuff we were told to avoid as kids. Things that are spoken of in hushed tones, whispers. Yeah, not vulgarity as in using our traditional language. I’ll never understand why they used to fine people for speaking “vulgar” language. Colonialism sha, why would we refer to our own language as vulgar? That’s another level of slavery. It’s crazy mehn k’ eyan ma so yoruba, kan ma fine e…

Interviewer: You’re digressing, as always. Why now though? Why are you choosing to speak on vulgarity now?

Inspiration: You’ve been rolling your eyes like you don’t want to be here.

I chose this time to incorporate vulgarity into my work because I’m grown. I’m 22, and somehow my folks think it’s high time I brought a black responsible man home. If they’re already suggesting marriage, I think I can speak on sex. And drugs too, just because I can.

Interviewer: Sex. What’s your opinion on sex?

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Inspiration: Ughm, weird question. I can’t have an opinion on what I haven’t tried. Some say it’s good; others say it’s great. I say: have protected premarital sex; do your family planning right—next question.

Interviewer: But you’ve consumed media on sex. I believe you can say something. When was the first time you came in contact with sex-related media? Porn? Smut? Or how did you learn about sex? Sex Ed class?

Inspiration: *giggles* Sex Ed class is funny. We didn’t have sex ed, like, ever. Just one silly class where we learnt about puberty. My first contact was with smut. Funny story, my mum bought me the book. It had a medical title, so she assumed it was a medical book. She definitely didn’t read the book description. I do that too. Bad habit, probably genetically passed down. Poor me, read it, and couldn’t grasp whatever in the name of office romance it was. I think the first sex scene was on the office couch. I can vaguely remember it.

Interviewer: Office romance. Hmm. What’s your take on that?

Inspiration: I’m against it. It never ends well. Power imbalance. It plays an important role in it. There’ll always be that imbalance. Even if the two parties involved are at the same rank, there’ll definitely be one person the company would want to retain if things go south. So yeahhhh, it’s a no.

Interviewer: You didn’t have sex Ed class. It’s a known fact that teenagers or kids are having sex now, and I doubt sex Ed has been incorporated into the curriculum. How do you think people should learn about sex?

Inspiration: I don’t know if the job of sex Ed is to teach people how to “have sex”. I’m not sure. How should people learn about sex? Hmm, definitely not through porn. Porn… porn looks disgusting to some extent. Either due to the scripts or the fact that women are always posing or are demanded to pose as insatiable animals. There’s no love in porn, and sex should involve love, right? Sex across all religions and cultures is usually venerated as a sacred ritual, so porn shouldn’t be the way people learn sex. Minor digression: What’s the point of porn?

I don’t have an answer for that or where to learn sex. You can’t exactly urge people to watch lovers have sex. Some consider that creepy.

Plus, parents behave like sex is a dirty thing that shouldn’t be mentioned. Mind you, it’s how they got their offspring. When you don’t provide answers to these questions they have regarding sex, they’d go out to find answers on their own. Maybe that’s the whole importance of sex Ed. To ensure these sex questions are answered correctly in safe spaces.

In the end, sex is something sacred. I don’t know if there’s an objective measure of perfection in sex. Oh, I have an idea! If each party communicates properly, they can learn together??

Interviewer: That sounds helpful. So that’s all you have to say on sex?

Inspiration: …let’s see. You mentioned the kids are having sex. I’ll say whatever happens, engage in protected sex. ABC. Abstinence. I can’t remember what B is…

Interviewer: Be faithful

Inspiration: Yes, that. C. Use condoms. Especially in this Lagos. Stay safe.

Interviewer: Do you do drugs?

Inspiration: Drugs? Nah. *In Mr. Mackey’s voice* kids. Don’t do drugs. Drugs are bad

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*normal voice*Why do people do drugs anyway?

Interviewer: To get high? Some creatives say it helps them find inspiration.

Inspiration: damn. People get high to get me? Crazy. I get inspired without taking drugs. Inspiration comes from the flowers, music, trees. Everywhere. I think they lie when they say it helps with becoming creative. It’s a lie. In Southpark, each time Towelie tried getting high to get creative, he? She? It? It only ended up wasted. So yeah, that’s an obvious lie.

It’s fine if you want to nurse vices, but just do it in moderation.

I think that’s what matters. Do whatever in moderation.

I mean, some of these hard drugs are components of medication prescribed to some people daily. It’s only a problem when you take an overdose. So yeah, e ma f’agbo die die.

Interviewer: How’s your religious life?

Inspiration: failing

Interviewer: How’s your spiritual life?

Inspiration: Is this some sort of trap? *laughs*

I don’t know how my spiritual life is. What’s the difference?

Interviewer: There’s an intersection and a contradiction. Religion:set up beliefs with a community whereby there’s a higher power. Spirituality is more of a personal connection with the belief that there’s a higher power contributing to your existence or the existence of the world. The intersection is that both serve as some form of moral compass. The contradiction stems from the rules, dogmas, and doctrines of religion.

Inspiration: hmm…makes sense. I mean, I might be on a journey to find answers to questions I have concerning religion to find deeper meaning rather than what I’ve been spoon-fed. So that’s my status.

Interviewer: You just completed your neuropsychiatric posting. How was the experience? Did you take time to evaluate your mental health? How is your mental health?

Inspiration: I live in Lagos; my mental health is in shambles. I can’t say it’s non-existent. The neuropsychiatric posting was eye-opening. There are a lot of mentally ill people at least self-aware enough, or lucky enough to have people who care about them, to check them into a mental hospital. Even with the way Nigerians or black people behave like there’s no time to ponder that component of their health, I’m glad that there are facilities in place and individuals actively offering services to aid people’s mental health.

I learnt a lot, and yes, it made me want to sign up for therapy. Half of the people in there are there as a result of accumulated trauma or a wrong response to traumatic events. I sat and thought to myself: there’s stuff I hold on to; my anxiety can be crippling sometimes, and then my ambitious nature makes me react to certain situations harshly or with heavy emotions. On the first day, after my interaction with a particular patient, I started to think about how it wasn’t in his “5-year” plan to end up taking a compulsory break from life in a psychiatric hospital, so it’s necessary that we take breaks, see licensed therapists, touch grass, breathe, and reconnect with nature. I mean, the occurrence in our society is enough to make someone suicidal… and the problem I have with people is how they try to minimize people’s experiences and label them as weak.

There’s an adage that “the same boiling water that hardens the egg softens the potato”. It’s wrong to go around and try to objectively measure people’s response to experiences.

In the end, there should be more awareness of mental health in our country.

Interviewer: You were recently involved in some sort of debacle about indecent dressing. What do you have to say about that? Is there an “objective measure” for indecent dressing?

Inspiration: indecent dressing. Tricky question.

Well, as time changes, the “objective measure” of indecent dressing changes alongside fashion trends or whatever social figures put out. I wasn’t dressed indecently *laughs*. I had a bikini on at the beach. Very appropriate, by the way.

Again, no objective measure. I remember being criticized by a church member in primary school for wearing trousers to church. Free jeans o. I didn’t have anything appealing on me; I hadn’t reached puberty, and this ol’ nigga walked up to me and was speaking like I came naked to church. There’s no objective measure of indecent dressing. Some people want to blame sexual assault on the dresses of the victims. But past cases have revealed it has nothing to do with what the victim was wearing

I believe everyone should wear whatever they’re comfortable with. I only have problems with those fools who are walking around with their boxers out to the world. Disgusting untamed animal.

Interviewer: How are you able to make sermons and also be vulgar?

Inspiration: Duality of a woman. You have it in you. We all do. The ability to be both good and bad. All that matters is balance. Balance helps with harmony. If one side is more than the other, there’ll be war.

Interviewer: Good and bad. Is there balance in the world right now?

Inspiration: Girl, you have eyes. Does it look balanced to you?

Interviewer: Which part is causing the disharmony?

Inspiration: Obviously the bad part. There’s so much evil in the world right now. Unimaginable evil, by the way. Sometimes people try to make me believe it has always been this way. That’s a lie. The wars, natural disasters, crimes, deaths…. It’s too much.

Interviewer: It’ll be nice to find ways to help the world. Any extra words?

Inspiration: concerning this interview or….

Interviewer: Just talk

Inspiration: ehm let’s see….tenski makes six seven brainrot songs.

Interviewer: But it’s considered a genre…

Inspiration: just like semo is considered as swallow. Doesn’t matter. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate his music or semo. It’s just the first thing that came to mind.

Interviewer: How do you feel lying about your answers here?

Inspiration: as I said. I’m inspiration; I cum in bizarre ways. This is me just discharging my offsprings in your head; some will survive, some will fade away like the facades that they are.

Interviewer: So the vulgarity. Is this something your readers should settle with, or was it just for this project?

Inspiration: So it’s here to stay. We’re growing together. Everybody should buckle up for whatever comes next.

Interviewer: Thank you for sparing time in your head to answer these questions. Thank you

Inspiration: You’re welcomeeeeeee. It’s always been a dream of mine to be asked a series of controversial questions. It was a pleasure to offer you wise words from my huge brainnnnnn.

I hope you enjoyed the ride through my mind. I’d like to take one through yours soon, do i have your permission??