An Op-Ed by Br. Thomas Campbell (Sobrii-Estote), A Novice at St. Joseph’s Abbey
First they went after me for my classical Latin pronunciation. It wasn’t my fault. I was homeschooled. It was Kolbe’s Latin program that did it to me. But I still got in trouble for it.
Then I got trouble for being an extrovert. They wouldn’t fast-track me toward being a hermit. That’s utter discrimination.
And then they made me get rid of my motorcycle. That was going to be so useful for getting back to the chapel in time for Vespers.
But the ultimate thing I can’t understand about monastic life is why the abbot isn’t on board with my “Deep Dive Economic Analysis of Lord of the Rings’ Podcast” YouTube channel. I have 893,455 followers. I run the third most popular Tolkien-related channel in the world (briefly it was actually the second!) My nightly streams with Brother Nicholas and Brother Ebenezer about the intricate details of The Lord of the Rings cover stuff that even the best fans have missed and get hundreds of thousands of views. I was going to bring in so much money for the Abbey, bro.
But the abbot said no.
The abbot shut me down, effective today, as soon as he found out about the channel that me and the bros were running in a corner of the cellar. He won’t even let me release the video I already made, “Why Mithril Mail Coat Manufacturing Inc. is the LOTR Equivalent of Tesla.”
He’s shutting the channel down. He’s deleting it. The novice master even said that this could be a sign that I’m too attached to the ways of the world and not cut out for religious life.
Really, I’m not too bothered by the loss.
I knew we’d have to give up some things here, but I still can’t understand why they weren’t on board with this idea. On the contrary, I thought for sure the abbot would actually have wanted to come on to the show itself.
Well, this is my last transmission. You fans are going to have to over to the competition, and endure the slop that “LOTR DEEP ANALYSIS” makes.
Farewell, at least until I become the abbot myself.
Brother Thomas Campbell (Sobrii Estote)
Note from Abbot Athanasius of St. Joseph’s Abbey
Not only was Brother Campbell not supposed to be running a YouTube channel, but he also wasn’t supposed to be on Substack either, so we are apologizing to the faithful who were scandalized by this online presence and deleting everything we’ve found that he was running online.
Note that we do run an official podcast here at St. Joseph’s Abbey. It’s distributed by The Daily Anathema and Everett Polinski and it’s called “The Sound of Silence.” Listen to it here:
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