let yourself be bored again

I think it’s safe to say that most of us are chronically online now. But isn’t that just a nicer way of saying that we are all addicted to our phones?

I reach for my phone, the first thing in the morning, without thinking, like it’s a part of me. Before bed. While eating and in the in-between moments.

This newsletter is more than a confession of my addiction though, it’s also about me grieving the loss of an intimacy with my mind and how i am trying to get it back.

Even after over 10 years of sharing my work online, it still doesn’t feel natural to me. I try to use the fact that social media is my work place to make peace with the guilt. And yet, both my work and who i am are rooted in presence and intention, in savouring the small moments that make up life.

This tension is especially complicated when my livelihood depends on visibility. Creation is one half of my work, the other half is the sharing. About offering what i see to others. That part requires me to be persistently online, participating in a system that will do anything to exploit their users. I feel helpless, and often hopeless but i dream of a future, for me personally, where i am away from all of this.

The changes in our media landscape and especially the introduction of the all-seeing, all-knowing algorithm, have made it almost impossible to stay off our phones and remain fully present in the physical world.

Trying to speak about slowness inside a system that feeds on attention and rewards loudness leaves very little room for silence or depth. The current algorithm rewards speed, repetition, sameness. A flattening of the self.

The more you resist, the more you are punished. So you begin to wonder if you need to change in order to survive.

Remember when the internet used to be an escape from reality? Now it feels like we are all trapped here. There seems to be no way out, and what’s most unsettling is how we’ve normalized this.

I would go as far as to say that our lives are being stolen from us. Our bodies remain in the physical world, but our beings - our minds, our souls - are not fully here. The intangible parts of our being are held hostage by greed-driven corporations that have little interest in our well-being or the planet’s.

Every few months, i go offline (off- social media). In fact, i am currently on a break. Usually for at least two weeks. Sometimes longer. After a long break, i often don’t want to come back at all, but i do. Because i must.

The break helps nevertheless. Every time i come back, i feel lighter. Clearer. I come back feeling like i have more control, but it only lasts a while. It’s very easy to slip straight back into the same patterns.

And i am grieving this way of being. My grief is for a different kind of mind. A different quality of attention.

A lightness of being that i miss dearly.

Over time, i’ve made a few rules for myself. Some small, repeatable practices that help me reduce my phone time.

Here are some of them:

• All notifications are turned off on my phone. I open apps consciously and choose what information i allow into my mind.

• I keep the phone visually boring. No tempting apps. A simple wallpaper. Empty home screen. I download specific apps (shopping for example) only when I need them, and delete them right after. No endless entry points basically.

• On Instagram, i try not to enter the reels tab or the explore page at all. I regularly snooze recommended posts, so my home feed feels like a curation of work from accounts i’ve chosen to follow.

• I sometimes use third party apps to set timers or lock certain apps.

• If I’m with someone, the phone stays in my bag. I am with that person, fully, and i request them to do the same.

• I choose phone calls with friends who live far away, real conversations over sending reels. While interacting over social media can feel like connection, it rarely deepens anything. It creates the illusion of closeness without the intimacy.

• I try to avoid using my phone before noon. The first part of the day belongs to my own thoughts. The silence helps me settle into my body and my pace.

• At night, the phone stays away from my bed or the nightstand. Evenings are for reading, writing, calling my family, staring at the ceiling, watching a good movie. Mornings feel different when there’s nothing to grab for immediately. I feel….free.

• I have a charging/parking station for my phone that’s slightly inconvenient. It’s not within arm’s reach of where i sit or lie down. The distance helps immensely in breaking the reflex of reaching for it.

• I have ordered a physical alarm clock. I don’t want to be woken up by my phone anymore.

• I regularly go completely offline. I delete apps entirely and can feel my brain rewire itself. It’s uncomfortable at first, then life feels so good that i don’t want to be back. I notice myself noticing things again.

• I have been fantasizing about the idea of using a dumb phone but haven’t yet figured out the logistics of how i would make it work. Will i need 2 sims or i just keep swapping the sim between phones.

• I notice my triggers. The small moments when my hand reaches for the phone - boredom, anxiety, loneliness -and i try to sit with the discomfort.

• I always start with my journals when i’m tapping into my thoughts and ideas, and only later type them out. I try not to let my notes app have direct access to my mind.

• My meals are now phone-free. Eating to me feels sacred and im learning to treat it like a small prayer. In fact my dadi used to say that eating is the most scared thing we can do as humans.

• And when i can, i do the things i loved doing as a child. Tactile, heart opening, sensory activities. Like eating a fruit and letting the juice spill all over me, unapologetically.

• I let myself explore new interests fully. I allow curiosity to turn into obsession. Vietnamese food? I will try every place in Delhi until i find the best one.

• I remind myself, again and again, of the wonders of the real world. I step outside to pursue my earthly dreams: seeing a new flower, bathing in waterfalls, watching sun sparkles on water, exploring the chaotic but beautiful local markets in India.

*I don’t consider listening to music as being on my phone. I listen to it constantly, throughout the day, while i do other things, so i dont carry any guilt around this.

Lately, i’ve been thinking about how often it feels like im here but im not really here.
Why does silence feel so uncomfortable? Why do we have to watch something while eating? What are we escaping from really?

I know the world has always been changing. Technological disruption isn’t a new thing; cultural renewals are a part of life. I don’t know what the future holds, but we have to take care of ourselves while we learn how to live inside these changes.

I dream of a more harmonious integration of technology into our lives. Of loosening its grip just enough so the phone becomes a tool, and not the place where we slowly lose our lives.

This feels like one of those moments where attention becomes the dividing line. The world keeps getting louder and more demanding of our minds. Learning how to step away, even temporarily or imperfectly, changes our relationship with our lives.

We will be most alive and grounded when we can sit with ourselves. We must allow empty moments.

We must let ourselves be bored again.

We have to let boredom open into thought and into inspiration. Too much stimulus leaves very little room to hear our own voice.

I am someone who ritualizes the ordinary: treating a shower like a meeting with my body, a meal like a small meditation. Feeling the water on my skin, the scent of soap, the flavours of my meals. When we give these moments our full attention, life starts to feel textured again. Presence returns through these small acts of devotion to the everyday.

We have one life, and it’s fragile and brief. Being intentional with our attention and our energy gives us space to think clearly, to feel more connected with our bodies and to build relationships that feel real.

Being present will allow our thoughts to belong to us again and bring us back into a life that will actually feel like it’s ours.

As we step into this new year, i’m wishing you presence, joy, love and an abundance of all things that nourish your soul.

All my love,

imdad

*uncredited images are sourced via Pinterest.