If This Is Healthy, I Am a Priest

“If this is healthy, I am a priest!”

“Hey, hon, besides cookie dough, what do you want to eat on Refeed Day this week?”

“Cookie cake would be wonderful — and give me a bit of cookie dough from that dough.”

So I checked the cupboards, and the Biscoff cookies were missing. When I heard my son was going to be near the store, I asked him to buy me a pack. Honestly, Biscoff makes every dessert yummy, in my opinion.

This cookie cake recipe is tweaked from a recipe my daughter found somewhere on the internet. Then one day I didn’t have any eggs left, so I substituted them with sparkling water, and Shawn liked that version better, and now it stays. You see, this cake, and other desserts, the alcoholic drinks — those are the fun part of life. Like weekends, vacations, out of the schedule, the part where we loosen up a little. The part that restores, lets the breath out, ahhhhh. Kick your shoes off, put your feet up on the table and lean back, let your hair down, massage your scalp, sleep in. The time you restore your creativity, inspire your mind, motivate yourself. Because you let the leash a little loose on your dog’s neck, so your dog does not pull you in the opposite direction, against your direction. The healthy relationship with food.

If we divide foods into good and bad, what goes into good, what belongs to bad? What are the criteria for good foods? The foods that help us skinny? Or help us strong, fight the illness, or help us gain muscle weight, help us feel happy, or relax — and for how long?

It feels like only the foods that are known — at least that’s the trending ones — for focusing on losing weight are the good foods. But is it, though? How about the ones that help to ease the emotions? How about all those new experiences — new ways of eating, new textures, new kinds of foods you haven’t experienced before, passing the fear you have of them, expanding your horizons, a new spark in your brain? How about those? Are they considered a part of so-called health? What is your health?

What is my healthy food, or healthy life?

To me, health is my peace. Not restricted. Stupidly simple and boring, so I don’t need to decide what to eat, how much to eat, every single meal. I just do it, because I know it works — for over a decade. And on a certain day, like Refeed Day — mine is Friday — I let loose a little to eat a slice of cheesecake, lava cake, a cookie cake, or a margarita, instead of my sweet potato carb portion, swapped out. Those foods are there for me to not restrict my life. They are there like weekends, like vacations, to ease me, to let me know I can keep going. My craving is fulfilled — not by fake food substitutes, but the real thing, exactly what I wanted. Not sort of the thing, far from the thing I craved. The exact thing.

So when my Saturday — a regular day — comes, I can do my regular-day thing, like Monday. I need to tell myself, “Okay, let’s just eat at home with green beans and grilled chicken instead of a hamburger again.” This is like getting up on Monday morning to go to work. We need a little grunt, but we do it, because we need it.

I posted my cookie cake recipe video on social media. I saw quite a few comments saying, “That’s not healthy?” “If that’s healthy, I am a priest!”

I found some comments humorous. And it made me wonder — what are the healthy foods for them, then? Only cut the sugar, the butter, no gluten, no red meat, all natural, all organic, chia seeds — oh, those damn chia seeds — no chicken, no dairy, no berries, no meat at all, no vegetables…

I can’t help but think about these people’s relationship with the foods they choose. Is it a healthy one? Is that relationship choking them, a tight leash on their neck, waiting to be snapped off one day? “Oh, screw that. I give up. Life is too short. I will eat whatever I want. Give me that cheap Twinkie. I don’t need to respect my body.”

I told this to Shawn. “Somebody said ‘that’s not healthy!’” He said, “I think it’s healthy.” He is smiling, with twinkling mischievous eyes. He knows — eating these foods one day a week, portioned, works for us. It made us chill about food, helped us know when to stop, and how much to indulge. Did I say that? Over a decade.

I think that’s healthy.

Here’s the cookie cake recipe if you want to make it for your Refeed Day.