clear to me now:
it is either a bottle of wine or flowers
you don’t announce that you’ve brought it along, like you would a normal gift. There is a special knack to plonking the item down hard enough that people notice you’ve brought it over, but you put it far enough away that it doesn’t look like you’re asking for it to be acknowledged. A bit like taking yourself to the toilet to have a cry
people will say, ‘oh no you shouldn’t have, this is only a catch up!’, but they don’t mean that. As they will then also bring something to your house for a casual catch up too. The loop never ends
still not clear to me now:
if you take something extra round, when you’ve already been asked to bring something particular round. I.e. if my friend says, ‘can you bring some guac & crisps’, do I still also bring something else?
what you do if you’re not drinking. Do you still bring a bottle of wine - even if you’re not 100% sure the other will drink, when you’re not? Do you bring a sparkling elderflower - or is that putting your wishes on other people ? Do I just squeeze a fresh orange for everyone with nothing but my palm, to show I am grateful for their hosting, just not quite getting it?
clear to me now:
you are being told this info to vent, not to dissect
you can go hard on the shitty action, frown and shake your head. But you must finish with saying how unlike him it is/ that he isn’t shitty
ideally your response is delivered in a shit sandwich. Botom bit of bread surprise he’d do that (this is pretend), then confirming the action is shit (real), then finishing off with him not being entirely the bad guy (pretend)
not clear to me now:
whether you can be honest when asked, ‘if ~insert name of your partner~ did this, what would you do?’
whether you’re meant to follow with something shitty your partner has done at some point. Is that useful or making it about you? Unclear
clear to me now:
this actually means you can start shuffling around things on your plate, but not hoofing down
in fact, I think most closely it means you can start to load up your fork with your first intended mouthful. You will then get a second ‘no really, start!’, and that’s the one you open fire
not clear to me now:
realistically people should say, ‘please, feel free to start loading up your fork, ready for the official start’, but I don’t feel that will catch on
clear to me now:
this is just an opener and not a genuine interest-led question. It is almost rude to go into anymore detail than, ‘just a chilled on actually’
it’s not only that people don’t actually care, also any information you do give away, could end up being used against you. Like if you went on a night out on the Saturday and coincidentally answered a slack a bit slower than usual the following Wednesday, Jack from accounts may decide that’s because you’re ‘putting fuck all into work this week as you’re still hungover’
not clear to me now:
if you don’t want to know what I got up to, why don’t you just asked ‘how was your weekend?’ so I can answer ‘good thanks’ and we can all just get on with it. Or even better - as I know you definitely don’t want me to answer anything other than ‘good thanks’, why don’t we just say, ‘there has just been a weekend’ and we can all just say ‘yes’
clear to me now:
it doesn’t need anything interesting or novel to be added - you can literally say, ‘god it was hot last week! And now it is cold’, just waters wet material, and that is good enough
it has to end with either a small laugh or a kind of ‘hmmm’ noise, then a pause, then either ‘right!’ or ‘but we didn’t come here to talk about the weather!’
not clear to me now:
if none of us give a shit about it - can’t we all collectively just stop doing it? Just get straight into the meeting in question? In 98% of cases, I’m sure everyone knows why they’re being asked to the call. Whether that’s through previous discussions, the notes of the meeting, the title of the meeting - so no one will be surprised by the meeting content. Do we need this warm up into it? It’s not like this is a random Thursday evening on a park bench, and I’m trying to break up with you, without causing a scene. We don’t need to ease in. Do we need to pretend to care what the other person can see out their window, for us to begin discussing deliverables? Surely we could collectively save the workforce days of time back by retirement if we just skipped it
I will end this here, but I could list at least 400 more, just thought I’d soft launch/test a few small ones to see if there’s appetite for it/ if I’m going to get cancelled.
It appears the older I get, the less I understand. I feel like I only just nailed the social cues that would have made me fit in as a teenager this year, and I’m 32. I’m behind on early twenties ones, and I’ve got no fucking chance on the ones coming up in my thirties.
Whatever rule book you’re all following can you at least give me a PEAK ?! Please. JUST ONE PEAK.
If you enjoyed this, I’d love for you to comment one that you’re particularly bamboozled by, or maybe one you’ve nailed. Or one you think I could come a cropper against soon.
Also if you enjoyed this - I’d love if you subscribed, purely for ego reasons. I bloody love seeing that follower chart go up. You can expect short lists like this, neurodivergent rambles, embarrassing stories (first snog is coming up soon) & occasionally some deep feeling stuff depending on my mood at the time.
And finally - I’m unsure if it gives you more context, but I am AuDHD. Not just rude. Maybe rude too, who knows.
Kisses,
Holly xx
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