Pull Up a Chair With Erin

Pull Up a Chair With… is a new series I’ve begun on Substack. The idea is to interview paid members of the Stop Hiding Under the Desk community to find out more about you and your creative pursuits. Edna was my first interviewee, and you can read her replies here. Melanie was my second interviewee, who is here.

And now, let me introduce you to Erin Harwood.

Erin is a botanist, gardener, and community herbalist exploring the connections between plants, people, and place. She writes her Substack, Ponderings and Wanderings, and has also just finished writing a non-fiction book.

Hi Erin, I’m so excited that you agreed to be interviewed. I know it’s a massive step out of people’s comfort zones, so thank you for being here.

What creative project are you trying to bring into the world?

I just finished my most recent eBook all about Herbal Honeys. It’s taken me a while to go from my initial idea to actually getting it written and then laid out. Partly that’s due to life stuff, and partly that’s due to the path I chose for the process. I’ve run into a few snafus and am trying to just take it one next step at a time, and give myself some grace and just a little space to do a release in early September, after the last big summer holiday weekend here in the US.

How are you finding this process?

As I mentioned above, it’s taken me a while (since spring 2024) to get this book written and ready for release. I lay out all my own writing projects in Canva and decided this time that I would do the layout and writing process simultaneously. It worked for my brain at the time, but as that went on, I found myself going back to the beginning of the book every time I opened the document. It took me a little bit to figure out that it was just iterative perfectionism (yuck) and was keeping me stuck. So I started to do a little trick when I opened the document – I would just frantically scroll the little wheel on my mouse as Canva was opening the document. It worked!

If I could just get past that first chapter (and then later the second chapter) when I sat down to work in the document, I could get on with it, moving farther along in the book. Silly, maybe, and it worked. I also gave myself permission to start at the end. I spent one of our DeskMates co-writing sessions working on the last chapter. Once I had a little bit done on that, it seemed to create some more space.

I also took a break from writing for my Substack (on accident starting in July and now just continuing on into August) because I was really focused on the book. Even though Substack is the centre of my creative work (the hub of the wheel, if you will). That’s created some mixed feelings, and I’m hoping to dive back in next month for sure.

Is there anything that’s holding you back?

Overall, I feel that my big, beautiful, and very busy brain can create some challenges, and it’s like a game (sometimes fun, sometimes not) to try and figure out what might support it from always trying to be oh so very helpful and come up with all these things that I need to consider and think about.

Other things that have got me a bit down and felt challenging have been all the discourse around ai lately. It’s been there lurking in the background since last year, but really came front and centre with the changes at Substack and the Pangram partnership. As you’ve shared, both from your perspective and others (thanks for that, by the way!), it can be scary to be a writer (and one who’s not the fastest, so output can be lower than it seems is expected or pushed by social media and society), who may be accused of using AI in their work when they haven’t.

What if I write a piece and some random person runs it through Pangram and it says a big percentage is ai written? When I spent hours having those ideas and thoughts tumble around in my brain, and then gently pull them out onto the page (all while working with my lovingly protective brain!).

On top of that, as I noted above, I do a lot of my layout work and creation of social media graphics in Canva. Canva is very integrated with ai, and sadly there is no way to know if any of the graphics you are choosing are ai-generated. I like a lot of botanical line art, because I often like people to be able to colour in if they’d like, while I’m teaching or they’re reading one of my workbooks/books.

An author I follow was accused of using ai graphics in a Canva-generated graphic recently (her assistant created it). She had a clever response, which I appreciated. The Canva ai debate among authors has been hot over on Threads, so I’ve gotten a bit sucked into that lately.What are you currently hiding under the desk from?

Writing for Substack – with the big ai detection partnership, I feel like I need to do some journaling to find my direction – what I’m going to say to defend myself (if I have to), etc. And making sure I have a nicely written “How I Made This” statement that writers are being encouraged to craft. Again, that lovingly protective brain to the rescue!What has helped you keep going recently?

The DeskMates co-writing sessions have been so immensely helpful. It’s absolutely lovely to just show up, see some other supportive faces, and just get right to work. No judgement, just a kind space, holding you as you work. I think these will be helpful in August in getting me back into writing for Substack. Also tea, lots of tea and some quality music on YouTube!What do you wish you’d known earlier?

That you can do whatever you want – really, truly. You can just write something and put it out there for the world to read, anytime you want. Even with all this perfection policing that is happening around ai, you honestly just have to keep going – finding the next small step. I’ll definitely need to remind myself of this regularly.

What tiny step are you taking next?

I’m going to figure out some behind-the-scenes tech challenges and get my herbs ‘n honeys eBook up on my website and available for sale (so exciting to type that!).

What are your links?

Helen’s note:

I love how Erin understands how her brain works around creativity and is allowing herself time and space over the summer, and also working out ways to deal with the ai challenges.

The possibility of Erin being accused of using ai to write her book or Substack when she hasn’t is slim. But that faint possibility turns huge in our heads. It becomes a real barrier. Which can lead to self-sabotage. Working out ways to deal with the situation should it arise is a brilliant strategy because, that specific fear, which is essentially a variant of the fear of success, can stop us from continuing with our creative projects.

Fear of success is fearing the loss of control. This might be, for example, because you worry your life will change and you won’t be able to sit at your desk every morning and nap on the sofa whenever you like. You might start earning more money and it’ll become overwhelming. Or you fear being talked about or judged by others. Being falsely accused of using ai would fall into the latter.

When I was figuring out my fears a number of years ago, I realised that my fear was having my privacy invaded. It was peak Harry Potter and JK Rowling had long range cameras trained on her on the beach, and they were riffling through her dustbins. The chances of me writing another series of books as big as Harry Potter were extremely slim, but that didn’t matter. In my mind it could happen and it stopped me from writing my novel.

To move forward I had to regain control, just like Erin is working on.

Figuring out strategies, like telling myself I can use a pen-name, that I can stay anonymous and things like that. This gave me enough breathing space to move forward. Which created momentum and that momentum allowed me to take consistent tiny steps.

Not knowing how the technology works can also be a barrier. So kudos to Erin for giving herself time to learn about that as well. You have to factor in this time, don’t just think you should know it and when you don’t you feel like you’ve failed. And it becomes a sticking point. Factor in learning time.

And I’m so SO glad that DeskMates is helping.

Thank you so much, Erin. It has been fascinating to have an insight into your creative anxieties, but also see how you’re overcoming them step by tiny step. You’re a real inspiration. Good luck with the publication of your book.

If you would like to be featured in Pull Up a Chair With… then send me an email or a DM on the Substack app. (You can read more about it in this piece.) I’m limiting it to members of the paid subscriber community for the moment. You can upgrade your subscription by clicking the link below.