CRUMBS FROM THE WRITING DESK #10

Sharing what has been happening behind the scenes of my writing life during the week.

This week includes:

• a return to my desk after a break and a shock return to Instagram

• an energetic three days before crashing

• lots of tears

• ‘Rising in Literature’

This is my first week back after a two-week break, with a week away to the Canaries somewhere within that.

The holiday was well-timed; it helped mend our hearts a little after the loss of our beloved labrador. That didn’t stop me from blubbing my heart out on our return, though. It’s the little things: only feeding the one dog now, the silence of not hearing her paws clitter-clatter as she goes from the kitchen to the lounge and back to the kitchen within the space of five minutes, and not watching her morph into a dog-shaped hoover once I’ve finished cooking.

I put together a little montage of her under or near my desk over the years we’ve had her; she was my constant companion whilst writing, and my face was an absolute blotchy mess by the time I’d finished.

It felt good to return to my desk on Monday morning, though. I was refreshed, inspired and ready to write. This lasted until Thursday when I conked out! But a great reminder not to overdo it, even if you feel rejuvenated. As I wrote in a Substack Note a week later from this diary, after having the chance to gain hindsight:

Sometimes we have to learn the same lesson over and over and over (and over).

Monday 3rd August

I have now been a mother for twenty-three years. This does not feel possible. At all. But we cannot stop time’s relentless progress. As a reward, I bought myself an online course from Annie Ridout. It’s called The Creative Way to grow an online career (without burning out or getting bored).

I saw Annie had mentioned this course either before my holiday or whilst I was away and thought, I’ll come back to that. And of course, I forgot all about it, so I was pleased to see Annie’s note saying “final call out” (a great reminder to remind people of what you’re offering!)

I bought it because I’m fed up with not taking myself seriously. For not acknowledging what I can offer. Or realising what I can help people with. I’m hoping this course will give me a hefty shove so I can provide future masterclasses or courses for unconfident creatives that will help them take tiny steps toward their creative dreams.

I’ve already got a few ideas, including a writing project for the Stop Hiding Under the Desk private community starting in January 2027, but I often convince myself that a) this won’t happen because b) I don’t have the skills to make it happen and c) I’ll self-sabotage.

Making money, and by that I don’t mean millions for a private yacht, but money to pay the necessary bills, is something I struggle with when it comes to my writing and creativity. I’ve got a massive sticking point with it. I just don’t believe I can do it, despite having proved myself wrong a few times in the past.

As I said, I’m hoping this course will fill me with motivation and drive and enable me to get things up and running in a more proactive and practical way. I also want it to give me a big dollop of self-belief and help me get over my money-related creativity blocks.

The course drops every Monday morning for four weeks, so that was the first thing I started to read when I came to my desk. But then I thought I ought to write my end-of-the-month column, Stories From My Desk, which should have been published yesterday. (I have unofficial publishing dates for my Substack pieces: Sundays and Wednesdays).

So I worked on Stories… then, once proofread, immediately published it.

The other action I took today was to return to Instagram. I’ve just checked, and it’s 41 weeks since I last posted. Before that, 47 weeks and 61 weeks. I’ve built up 14,000 followers on there over the years; I think I started around 2014/2015, but I dropped it when it felt like it was becoming too much, because things were changing on there and it didn’t feel like the same place and, to be honest, that might be just an excuse. I might have stopped there because I was losing followers, and as I’d moved away from the house with the chickens and ducks and my ‘slow-living’ life, I was having a personality crisis.

I often find myself giving up on projects when things are changing, or I’m not creating momentum quickly enough. This was the same with YouTube. I uploaded like a demon until I became monetised, then I lost interest. And on TikTok, I got to 1000 subscribers on my book account and again, have seemingly lost interest.

Or, perhaps I got scared. Perhaps on YouTube I’d begun to make money from my creativity and panicked. And on TikTok I was getting big enough to be approached by publishers to receive their books to show on my videos. And again, panicked.

Food for thought.

Other tasks I did today:

• Sorted out planning for the week ahead and for August.

• Cleared my desk.

• Read through (sometimes cryptic) idea notes from my phone that I wrote on holiday.

• Finished at 10 pm (but I didn’t work all day!)

Tuesday 4th August