Don’t grind your teeth

The world is full of challenges; it’s like you’re a homing beacon for other people’s success, thoughts about the climate crisis, the realization that everyone else seems to find both good dates and available apartments, and the weather sucks too.

There are generally many things that disturb and distract. Personally, I always try to think “Fix, Avoid, or Accept?”

We often try to take the bull by its horns — how to Fix the problem. We must outwork our competitors, get our spouses happy and calm (fast), and curb climate change, inequality, and the world. This drive is great and creates progress, but sometimes you’re the fuel for this, and some people don’t want to be fixed.

If someone’s truly obnoxious and you can’t do much about it or your feelings, it’s best to Avoid them. If you know you can’t stop drinking, don’t go to bars. If you can’t talk about a topic, ask people not to bring it up. Avoiding something can be the best solution. You might need more time to heal or gather energy, or this problem isn’t yours to deal with.

The hardest of all is usually to Accept. One day, you wake up and realize you won’t get taller, be a digital nomad, or go to that wedding. That acceptance can be relaxing.

Handling a problem is hard. Avoiding it makes you feel like a coward. Accepting it feels like giving up. Fixing it feels like the world rests on your shoulders, making you resentful that everyone else is relaxing. But — you must allow yourself to park a problem and maybe revisit it later.

And, most often, the world isn’t out to get you.

We who are are your closest friends feel the time has come to tell you

that every Thursday we have a meeting as a group

to devise ways to keep you in perpertual uncertainty,

frustration, discontent, and torture

by neither loving you as much as you want nor cutting you adrift

your analyst is in on it, plus your boyfriend, and your ex-husband

and we have pledged to disappoint you as long as you need us

in announcing our association we realize we have placed in your hands

a possible antidote against uncertainty — indeed against ourselves

but since our Thursday nights have brought us to a community of purpose

rare in itself, with you as the natural center

we feel hopeful you will continue to make unreasonable demands for affection

if not as a consequence of your disastrous personality

then for the good of the collective

- Phillip Lopate

Don’t grind your teeth was originally published in Thinking about Startups on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.