Ships that Sink in the Night

Enjoy the tale of Connie and Dave, a couple with a few things to sort out…

Connie: “Dave, you’re just so incredible. Never mind that you’re spectacularly handsome. You’re just the funniest and most interesting man I’ve ever met. Intelligent, charming, and my boyfriend. And we have so many of the same interests! Isn’t this incredible? I’ve always wanted to meet a guy like you, but it just never happened for me. But here you are. This is really amazing. I’m gonna take so much time to spend with you.”

Dave: “I like you too, Connie, but I don’t know that I’m that intelligent. I can’t remember the last time anyone called me charming. Sometimes I’m funny. What is it that we have in common?”

Connie: “How about everything in common! We both like the outdoors and the indoors. We like the same soda and we’re totally up for adventures.”

Dave: “What do you mean by adventures? We watch TV shows together that I don’t like. Episode after episode. Season after season of the latest series.”

Connie: “Well, it’s just great spending that time together. I brag to my friends about every place we go.”

Dave: “You mean the deli?”

Connie: “Maybe not every place we go, but every place we talk about going.”

Dave: “The seafood festival?”

Connie: “I just like to brag about us. Is that so wrong? You can be intelligent and funny and charming, and you’re a pretty good-looking guy. My friends don’t have boyfriends, so I like to let them know about what I have. They need to know what I have. Don’t you brag to your friends about us? About me?”

Dave: “I don’t really brag.”

Connie: “Whaddaya tell them?”

Dave: “I tell them how great you are. How I’m lucky to have someone that watches reality shows. It’s really tough to find these days. I tell them how lucky I am to spend hours and hours on the couch when I’m with you, and on the phone when I’m talking to you, and watching you on your phone whenever we have dates. It’s a special thing to spend time with you and get completely ignored. My friends don’t have that. They don’t have girlfriends, and they brag to me about it all the time. So they kinda took up the mantle of bragging and forced me into extraordinary honesty about how genuinely wonderful you are.”

Connie: “You are lucky to have me. Let’s face it, you’re not that good looking. You’re not very bright and you have no charm. Barely any sense of humor. So annoying.”

Dave: “Are you breaking up with me? I kind of need you to stay with me because I’m used to it. I need you to keep me depressed in a relationship as opposed to being depressed all alone.”

Connie: “Well I need to stay with you until I can upgrade. I can’t have pockets of time that I can’t brag to my friends.”

Dave: “Well I can’t have any pockets of time to find the guts to break it off. How can you be so quick to want to walk away anyhow? You used to think I was really funny and bright.”

Connie: “That’s so five minutes ago. You really need to move on from us… when I’m ready.”

Dave: “Tell me when. I want to be able to brag to my friends.”

Connie: “Do you know how annoying you are?”

Dave: “No, but let’s move over to the couch so I can hear more about it.”