I’m overwhelmed

I’m overwhelmed.

By the frayed edges of the cat scratcher I’ve covered over and over again. By the houseplants that have a fine layer of dust on them that comes right back after wiping. By the car alarm going off down the road, and the drilling my neighbours are constantly doing, months overdue. By the front path to my house, which was chipped apart to install a new water metre and then concreted in with absolutely no care for what it might look like. Who gives two shits when you have to get it done and you’ll never see it again, right?

By the lack of time I have, probably of my own doing with work that I could reduce and projects I could just not do, or trips I could just not plan, and social media I could just resist. But who can resist something that was created to suck you in and keep you? Who can resist the slot machine in their hand?

I’m overwhelmed by the idea that I’m getting older and looking older when I’m meant to look pristine until I’m at least sixty, come on, at a minimum. I need the skincare and not the cheap stuff, to eat my skincare too, and protect my face, I need to not smile, and sleep on my back, and do facial exercises. If none of that works, then I need to get procedures done, and I need to do them preferably now. Otherwise it might be too late.

Oh, and while we’re at it, I need to earn more money because how am I meant to afford all of these things otherwise? How do I afford to look good, eat well, exercise, travel, and have work-life balance if I don’t earn more money? So scrap the work-life balance because there’s no such thing when you need to earn more.

I’m overwhelmed by the state of the world. By the USA’s constant presence in my news feed, deportations, concentration camps, suppressed voting, right-wing politics. By the UK’s slip towards the right, even with the ‘left’. Wars, genocide, corruption, AI. A never-ending bombardment of horrifying world events that pile on top of each other so you feel like you can do nothing about any of them, and the worst part, you know, politicians know this and use it to exhaust you. To overwhelm you.

I’m overwhelmed.